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I recently put together a therapy group for adult women struggling with bulimia. Most of these women have impressive corporate jobs and the majority of them are truly miserable in these careers.  I have witnessed this phenomenon for many years and while there are exceptions to what I am about to say, there is clearly a pattern worth noting.

Women with eating disorders (WwED) tend to get "eaten alive" in the corporate culture. I believe this is for a number of reasons (again, forgive me for over-generalizing!).

·   WwED tend to have a strong (some might say rigid) sense of right and wrong.  Lots of not-so-savory stuff goes down behind the scenes in Corporate World.  The politics, the focus on the bottom line at the expense of morality, the hierarchy of the system just feel wrong at a gut level to these women.

·   WwED tend to be highly sensitive to unspoken emotional realities.  This sixth sense, the ability to read between the lines, can be very difficult to manage in an environment where emotions/feelings are denied, expressed indirectly or viewed as a weakness.

     WwED yearn for a meaningful life.  Many of these women work for companies whose mission does not “turn them on” (e.g. a law firm, managing rich peoples’ money, the insurance industry).  Even if they really believe in the mission of the company (e.g. if they sell a product that has value) the passion for work will be thwarted if they see the company engaging in activities that sabotage the mission.
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     WwED tend to care more about real connections with people than money and possessions.  Since the premise of Corporate World is that money is a primary motivator, for these women there is an emptiness to the entire pursuit.
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     WwED tend to have highly developed empathy-system and get their greatest joy from being helpful and improving the planet.  They want to be part of the Solution, not part of the Problem.
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Many WwED have artistic or creative talents that are either buried or under-utilized. The loss of this aspect of the self can lead to depression and an underlying sense of meaninglessness.  Often this loss is unconscious, but it provides fuel for their eating disorder as a sense of angst or disconnection from the self.

As a wise client told me, "Integration" is a more accurate description of healing from an eating disorder than "Recovery."  Getting better requires integrating all the aspects of the self: Head, Heart, Body and Soul.

As these women are working in therapy, they start to re-evaluate all of their choices, from relationships to their careers.  They may start out seeking fulfillment in other places, such as volunteering for the Humane Society on the weekends, but they notice a sinking depression (and worsening of eating disorder symptoms) every Sunday night in anticipation of another soul-crushing week.  

The strong need for security/stability/predictability and control can over-ride the need for deeper fulfillment. Often they have been pressured by their parents to pick the “safe” career path.  They believe that their misery is their fault, a sign that they are whiny, spoiled or ungrateful (“You have a job, afterall!”).

 
The first step is for them to understand that their misery is not their fault; it is that their lives are out of alignment with their deeper selves. Then they need permission to dream about their ideal profession and to speak these secret yearnings out loud to a receptive audience.  This process is highly liberating.

For some, there comes this magical moment, a turning point when the soul screams, "ENOUGH! I cannot take this for one more minute!"  That’s when the WwED jumps ship. 

Typically she lands in a much better place, free from the shackles of what-other-people-think, societal expectations, and all the “shoulds.”  Not surprisingly, many end up as therapists, artists, teachers, writers, and nurses.  Some start non-profits or do mission work.  They may lose their golden handcuffs, but for the first time they feel truly free.  Not surprisingly, eating disorder symptoms tend to abate when one is fulfilling her life's true purpose.  (Remember, we were talking about eating disorders?)  Eating disorder numbs the pain; but when the life we are living feels congruent with our inner selves, the need to “go numb” goes away.  The split between Private Self and Public Persona is healed.  

Dina Zeckhausen is a nationally-known clinical psychologist and author who specializes in treating eating disorders and body image in both adults and adolescents. She is a weekly columnist for ShareWiK.com. You can visit her on the web at dinazeckhausen.com and MyEdin.org.

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