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“I’ve had a rough day. I DESERVE this ice cream!”  “I can’t stop until all the food is gone.”  “I am a Stress Eater.”

How often do you eat for reasons that have little to do with actual physical hunger?  Have you ever gone on a diet because your life felt out of control?

It goes without saying that people with eating problems—from the under-weight teen to the overweight grandmother—are not good at reading their body’s signals.  At some point in their lives they lost touch with, or stopped trusting, the wisdom of their bodies.

Even many people without eating disorders struggle with this concept.  We view our bodies as The Problem, in need of sculpting, injecting, liposucking, starving and perfecting.  We seek diet gurus, appetite suppressants and surgeons to help us conquer our appetites. 

We don’t think it wise to listen to our guts.  The misconception is, “If I listen to my gut I will weigh 400 pounds!”  Well, listening to your gut means stopping when your gut is satisfied and not eating for emotional reasons.

Oh.  

An overweight Brigham Young professor, Steven Hawks, lost 50 pounds by eating intuitively.  His big secret?  He only ate when he was hungry, he ate what he truly craved (even if it was ice cream for dinner) and stopped when he was physiologically satisfied.  CNN’s Soledad O’Brian interviewed him, asking incredulously, “You mean you just eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full?  Wow.  That sounds REALLY hard!” 

So how can we implement the professor’s simple principles?  There are three steps:

1. Differentiating between physical and emotional hungers

The other day my 13-year-old stated, “I’m hungry!” Then he paused and added, “Actually, I’m not really hungry.  I’m bored!”   I was thrilled that he was able to make this subtle distinction. Boredom and stress are the most common reasons for mindless eating.  (I contend we could eliminate the obesity epidemic today if people stopped using food to cure boredom and stress.)  

So if your child asks for food but you suspect she’s not actually hungry, you might say something like, “Let’s think about this. Go down inside your body.  Is your TUMMY hungry or are you feeling something else?”  If she can’t answer right away, offer suggestions: “Are you bored?  Is there anything else you are feeling?”

2. OK, so you got to a non-hunger feeling.  Now what?

A lot of times just by naming the feeling, you can figure out what you (or your child) actually needs.  Sad?  You may need a good cry.  Angry? You may need to speak up.  Nervous?  See if you need to push through the fear or run the other way! 

Before you try to talk your kid out of a bad feeling (a natural instinct to make bad feelings go away) take a moment to empathize first: “Oh, that feels yucky” or “I can understand why you might feel that way.”  Sometimes that’s all that is needed to feel okay!  The better you are at responding to feelings directly, the less likely these feelings will be stuffed, avoided or numbed with food or dieting.  

3.  Dealing with Hunger/Fullness. 

Hunger is much easier to discern than Satisfied.  Some of us keep our tanks topped off all day long so we never actually feel hungry!  It’s OK to feel hunger before you eat; ever notice how much more delicious food tastes when you are hungry?  

Unfortunately many of us view “Satisfied” as a yellow light and don’t slam on the brakes until “Stuffed.”  We inhale our food so there isn’t time for Stomach to let Brain know that the food has arrived.   The smells, tastes, visual impact, social atmosphere, conversation, the TV, are all distractions.  Your brain’s happy-centers are all screaming, “Yee-Hah! Keep that pleasure a-comin’!”  Meanwhile, your belly is whispering in the tornado: “I’m good. You can stop now.”

Huh?  Did you hear something?

So become a Belly Whisperer.   Once you trust the system which has kept humans trim for millions of years, then you’ll have more faith in your kids’ tummies.  It may mean feeding them their big meal when they get off the bus or letting them have a snack before bed.  I realize this is a controversial approach.  Many of us have strong traditions about feeding our families: three meals a day; eat what the grown-ups eat; no snacking; something green at every meal; clean your plate before dessert; kitchen is closed after dinner.  I do not mean to imply that these rules lead to eating disorders.  But I am also a fan of flexibility: it’s okay to compromise if the old system doesn’t work for your child’s body.

So, Raise Your Right Hand and Repeat after Me:

M.O.D. Squad (moms of daughters) Principle #2:

I will encourage my child to honor the wisdom of her body by helping her differentiate the needs of her stomach from the needs of her heart. I will help her respect her body’s hunger and fullness signals and I will teach her through my words and deeds healthy, effective ways to cope with difficult feelings.

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Disclaimer #1: These principles apply to Dads and sons as well.

Disclaimer #2: An eating disorder is not a choice.  It is a mental disorder caused by a complex combination of genetic, personality, familial, social and cultural influences.    #

To start a M.O.D. Squad group, visit www.MyEdin.org.