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Of all the classes I’ve taken to further my education and become a better-than-average teacher, not once has a class that instructs teachers how to deal with “The Smells of a Middle School Student” been offered. 

We who teach adolescents sure could use one! 

Middle school students are concerned with their looks, their clothing, and their electronic gadgets.  The one thing that doesn’t seem to faze ‘em is the fact that they stink! Obviously many middle school kids haven’t figured out that daily bathing, the use of antiperspirant/deodorant, putting on fresh undergarments and socks is a must-do-every-day kind of thing.  As a teacher, I am constantly wondering where you parents are in all this funk?  Has your sense of smell gone on the fritz?  Can’t you smell your own kids?

One of the 6^th grade girls I had in class daily had an overwhelming underarm odor at the beginning of the school year.  You know the time of year, when the weather is still warm and the classrooms are hot and stale?  Anyway, she was really stinky. 

(And trust me, I know stink from the two years I worked as the assistant volunteer coordinator at a large zoo in the Midwest.  For 24-months, my office was adjacent to the Silverback gorilla area.  And in case you didn't know this, gorillas emit a strong smell when they are establishing their dominance in the group that is akin to the smell of a bushel of strong yellow onions being sautéed.  The stink is overwhelming and required my work clothes to be washed multiple times before the stench would disappear.) 

I finally couldn’t stand the smell of this student so I approached her privately with a Pina Colada scented Secret antiperspirant sample, asking if she was showering daily and using antiperspirant.  She nodded.

“Really?” I asked. 

“No,” she admitted.  I told her it was important to engage in daily bathing and handed her the Secret sample.

“Why don’t you go to the bathroom before your next class and put some of this on,” I suggested. 

“Uh, yeah sure.  Maybe later.”

“No, it needs to be now!” I just couldn’t imagine having to sit through another class with her stink.  The girl left my room with the Secret in her pocket. 

After I shared this story with a colleague, she asked, “Is that what that smell is? I thought her parents just cooked onions every morning before school!” 

This fellow teacher has three children of her own, all of whom were competitive swimmers.  The only smell coming off of them during their tween and teen years was chlorine so she was completely unfamiliar with the origin of the oniony scent.  

Ignorance can be bliss.

It is now a year later and I am proud to report this 6^th grade girl has discovered the joy of what an herbal-scented shampoo can do to give her soft and shiny hair.  She also no longer bears any olfactory resemblance to the Silverback gorillas with which I have a not-so-fond scent memory.  Only problem now is that I seem to get the faintest craving for tropical drinks whenever I am near her. 

That will be my little Secret.  

Margaret Andersen is the mother of three teenagers and a middle school teacher somewhere in the Midwest.  She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist.