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One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was from Fred, a veteran teacher with over 40 years experience.  Every year, he said this to his classroom parents: “If you only believe half of what your kid comes home telling you about what happens in school everyday, I promise to believe only half of what your child tells me happens in your home!” 

Too frequently, parents don’t maintain a healthy sense of skepticism when it comes to what their children tell them.  I know you want to believe that everything your child tells you is the God-honest-truth because you’ve been working so hard to to raise him or her to be loving, caring, well-behaved and… honest. 

As a teacher, I have been on the wrong end of the stick more than once with a child who misled his or her parents regarding a school issue. 

One particular incident involved the books all my students are required to read independently.  Each quarter, they must pick at least three books from an extensive list, read them and then take a test on the computer.  The deadlines to complete their readings are suggested, in order to help keep students organized and on-task.  But I help them along by writing a countdown chart on the board to let them know how much (or how little) time is left to complete the reading and test-taking.  Students can take the tests before and after school, during study halls, and usually at the beginning of class. 

In other words, they have eight weeks and numerous opportunities to successfully complete the task.

Kendra, however, failed to take the final test necessary to pass the program.  She was a charmer, participated well in class, and maintained a respectful relationship with all of her teachers.  She had never given me any reason to be wary of her—or her motive.  And she certainly was bright enough to complete the reading and pass the tests. 

She simply didn’t want to.  The resulting “0” in a test column on her grade report lowered her overall Literature grade. 

And mom was not too happy – with me!  Apparently, Kendra told her mother I had somehow prevented her from taking the final test.

Mom bought Kendra’s story hook, line, and sinker.

It wasn’t until I was going through the lunch line one day when mom, who was volunteering, ambushed me as she scooped the mashed potatoes onto my tray. 

“So, how are you going to fix Kendra’s Lit grade?” she snapped. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Kendra’s Lit grade went down because of the book test YOU wouldn’t let her take.  What are going to do about that?” 

I suggested the three of us meet privately after lunch.  It was during our meeting I found out Kendra had lied to her mom.  I had never prevented Kendra from taking a test, but she was so scared of her mother that she lied, rather than tell her mom she simply didn’t finish the book.  No amount of pleading on my part to get her to face up to the truth would budge Kendra from her story.

Self-preservation was the only thing on Kendra’s mind at that time.

Now, let’s think this through.  Is it logical to assume that the teacher who creates the assignment would prevent the student from successfully reaching that goal?  Which is easier for a teacher – encouraging students to complete their homework, or devising schemes to block their progress?  Could mom have listened to only half of Kendra’s story and then figured out there must be another side to it, as well?  Perhaps there was a misunderstanding on her daughter’s part and/or a failure to communicate between Kendra and me.

Ultimately, it became easier for me to let Kendra take the neglected test.   Mom was not to be moved from her mountaintop and Kendra was not going to throw herself under the bus for me. 

After that situation, I was the one who learned the most:  No matter how good a student a child is, anyone is capable of telling a lie to avoid the truth.   

 Margaret Andersen is the mother of three teenagers and is a middle school teacher somewhere in the Midwest.  She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist. For more Margaret Anderson articles, click here.  

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