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Do you ever feel like you’re just getting by in life? Surviving, rather than thriving?

I certainly felt that way many years ago, and recently I “sat down” with my friends, Dan Hays and Stash Serafin, to discuss the topic of thriving (opposed to surviving) on our Blog Talk Radio show, Dialogues with Dignity.

After our radio show, I started thinking about how I’d been able to thrive after spending many years merely surviving. Because it wasn’t quite clear to me, and there certainly wasn’t some magical line I crossed over from victim to survivor to thriver, while I was healing from child sexual abuse. Yet somehow I DID transcend my past. So I started thinking about how I’d made that shift.

And what I arrived at is this: though I’ve found many tools for thriving along the way, one of the biggest “tools” was just allowing myself to feel my feelings. So, after my memories of sexual abuse bubbled to the surface, I spent several years processing my feelings around those memories. I cried. I raged. I told and retold my “story” countless times to therapists and groups and even to total strangers, at one point, I’m embarrassed to admit.  Until I was sick and tired of that story.  Bored of telling it, bored of hearing it, and sick of blaming others for the circumstances of my life.

I can’t remember if the boredom set in gradually or not. But I do remember attending a healing workshop one day, years ago, and hearing myself , once more, relate the story of how I had been abused in great detail.  Then, something shifted inside, and it suddenly felt as though my “true self” was witnessing the whole scene from a distance. I heard a voice inside say, “Oh brother. Not again. This is sooooo boooorring….”

It was as though I couldn’t stand describing myself that way anymore. There was no denying that I had been abused. There was no denying that the abuse affected me in profound ways. But on that day, something shifted in me, and I refused to think of myself in that small and limiting way. While it was convenient for me to blame others—including my mother – for hurting me and “ruining my life,” doing so was keeping me stuck.  I’d allowed my story to keep me down in the dark abyss of despair. And I was tired of living down there. It was familiar, yes, but oh so dreary and oppressive.

That day, I felt a growing warmth in my belly, swirling and pulsing.  Hopeful and powerful. Urging me forward.

On that day, I promised myself that I’d never again use my “survivor label” as a badge of honor. I was a survivor, yes, but so much more than that, and I was tired of defining myself by that label. Tired of blaming the people in my life who had hurt me when I was young for my problems today. That day, I made a promise to myself to stop defining myself by what happened to me in my childhood and to take responsibility for my life. So I could thrive.

So, how about YOU? Are you surviving rather than thriving? Or have you found a way to thrive?  I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a comment, here, on ShareWIK.

If you’d like to hear more about the benefits of thriving, check out one of our recent episodes of Dialogues with Dignity, in which we discuss that very topic: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dialogueswithdignity/2010/08/19/thriving-with-dignity

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH, and a regular columnist on ShareWIK.com.  Visit her website at http://ellen-brown.com.  

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