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Every morning I get a note from the Universe on my computer.  I kid you not. I love getting this daily missive, addressed specifically to me (though, I must confess, my girlfriend gets the identical message addressed to her!). Still, it almost always makes me smile.

These messages are simple and uplifting – as the http://www.tut.com says, “inspiration without the woo-woo.” Personally, I like to take and create positivity wherever I can. I suspect that’s why there’s been so much “to do” about the royal wedding of late. There is a lot of “negative energy” out there in the world these days, and people are aching to pay attention to something upbeat and happy.

 And yet, it can be very hard to do. A recent message from the Universe hit me squarely in the face, challenging me to check myself on the positivity meter.

 “Some people are happiest, Elaine, when they have something to be unhappy about.   Let ‘em have it.   Not you.”

This resonated with me, big-time. There was a time in my life when complaining about what was wrong brought me a measure of satisfaction – or, at least, I thought it did. I’ve worked hard over the years to change that approach to life. To “let ‘em have it.” Not me.

And yet, there has been a fair amount of “tsuris” in my life of late (tsuris is Yiddish for aggravation, with a little attitude).  Nothing catastrophic, thankfully, but more than usual. We’ve had our fair share of medically related stress, on top of the normal stressors of our bumper-to-bumper life.  Add to that a world of tsunamis and tornadoes and dictator assassinations, and there has just been a lot of negative energy encircling my life.

 In other words, there’s been plenty to be unhappy about.

To consciously search for the happiness in the middle of trying times has been quite a challenge.  The legitimacy of playing the role of victim, hand on the forehead crying “woe is me,” is seductive. We do so like to complain, don’t we?  There is almost a status associated with long-suffering.

Think about it.  How often, when you ask someone, “How are you?” do you get an enthusiastically positive response?  Not very. These days there is almost an expectation that people feel a bit beleaguered.  In fact, if we do not divulge a litany of reasons why we are under stress, then we almost feel…what? Guilty? Undeserving?

So how do we handle it when, in fact, we are under an excessive burden?  When there is bankruptcy and joblessness? A diagnosis of cancer? Yet another surgery required?  These are big problems. They dominate our lives.  It becomes hard to think about anything else. In truth, sweeping them under the rug and putting on a brave and happy face is inauthentic.

So, I have been noticing my own responses to the “how are you?” question.  I don’t want to be negative, and yet I have some need to be honest about my circumstances. Trying to walk that fine line between speaking my truth and focusing on the positives (or, at least, not highlighting the negatives) has been a fascinating exercise.

That is, until the school nurse called to inform me that my child needed to go to the hospital. She’d received a metal bat to the forehead, and was going to need some stitches.  Under normal circumstances, I would take that kind of information in stride – with three kids with ADHD, I’m on a first-name basis with ER docs in multiple cities.

But on top of everything else that child has been through, lately, I must confess to a more dramatic response.  It went something like, “Oh my G-d! Are you serious? You’re Fr&*#$(g kidding me! Where did she get hit? How Bad?”  I could hear my child in the background saying, ‘tell her I’m okay.’ Clearly, I wasn’t handling the situation with finesse.  It took me a few minutes to regain my composure, and ultimately it was a good decision to have my husband handle that hospital run.  I’d hit the end of my rope. And you know what? That’s going to happen sometimes. 

So here’s What I Know™ about managing positivity when things are harder than usual:

1. You are the master of your own ‘spin control.’ Life is too short to dwell in misery. Look forward to something better, even if you have to stretch to find it.
   
2. It’s worth the energy to look for the positive when possible.  It makes you feel better, and helps to keep things in perspective.
   
3. Before talking about a challenging situation, it helps to ask yourself, “why am I sharing this?” If sharing will provide the support you need, or release tension, then go for it! If you’re doing it for the sympathy factor, try to find another path.
   
4. If you end up sharing your circumstances with people you don’t know very well, take lots of deep breaths, and limit the details.
   
5. Conversely, sometimes a total stranger is the best listener.
   
6. There is no shame in “losing it” sometimes. If that happens most of the time, get some help – you need it, and you deserve it. If you occasionally need to break down in order to break through, then let it out, forgive yourself, and move on as soon as you can. 
   
7. Life is full of learning experiences.  It may get exhausting, but there is always something to learn that can offer a more positive perspective.
   
8. Hope is empowering.