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We made a party of it. If Tanta was going to be bald, dammit, we were going to find a way to celebrate and make it joyous. First David said he’d shave in solidarity, then Ken, Kenneth, eventually Joseph and even little Josh. The sum total of bald heads that day was six – okay, little Josh came close with a serious buzz cut – and a great time was had by all. My husband likes to refer to that event as “the Shining.”

We threw the party at the hair salon. Maybe it was a Sunday afternoon –

I’m a little cloudy on the details – but I remember we had the place to ourselves (thanks to our maestro Mudd). There was champagne and hors d’oeuvres. The cameras were flashing, and there was a festive mood in the air.  The event was followed by an impromptu banquet at the restaurant next door – maybe 15-20 people – wine flowing freely along with tears of laughter, joy, sorrow and fear.

Everyone should have a “Tanta” in their life, a sort of modern day Auntie Mame with a family, a career, and an infinite exuberance for celebrating life. When Tanta enters a room she doesn’t just walk, she arrives. She does it with pizzazz and style, just a little louder and a little grander than everyone else. When you’ve been greeted by Tanta, you know you’ve been welcomed, embraced, absorbed – you’ve been acknowledged and truly seen.

Tanta is as enigmatic as any person I’ve ever met. She lives on the outside edges of her life, as if expanding to the fullness of it at every turn. On the one hand, a Tiffany’s-shopping-first-class-passenger, she also provides hands-on-specialty medical services to the most needy in rural Georgia. A city girl with a penchant for modern art and design, she lives on a farm in the country – complete with donkeys, cats, Great Danes, horses and llamas –yes, llamas. There is nothing quite like the visual image of Tanta, Cartier watch firmly clasped to her wrist, as she gets the eggs from the chickens in those knee-high rubber boots that defy additional description (but, if you must know, they are paisley and peacock feathers).

I consider Tanta one of the greatest gifts I’ve given my children in their short lives. They’ve been blessed with a Tanta who loves them unconditionally, who models full engagement in life by her very existence, and who would give her breasts for the children she adores – literally!

My mother and grandmothers all battled and survived post-menopausal breast cancer, so it was little solace to me that Tanta’s breast cancer was caught early. She was pre-menopausal (we think, never REALLY knowing her age for sure. Remember, cancer or no, she IS still Auntie Mame), and I knew that meant the risks were greater. The news was hard to take.

You see, her cancer was complicated by a host of other health issues, including one kidney, and a shunt placed experimentally after a post-partum blood clot nearly took her life. Let’s be serious, she is already a walking medical miracle. How much can one body take?

So the decision to “take them both” was complex, but ultimately clear. The risk of surgery is considerably greater for her than most people. The risk of recurrence had to be minimized to the max. She wants desperately to see her children – and mine – graduate, marry and live full and independent lives (okay, independent as long as it’s not too far from home). If that meant a full-blown double mastectomy AND huge doses of chemotherapy, just to be sure, then so be it.

As with everything else in her life, once the decision was made, she moved forward with resolve … and finesse. A plaster cast of her bust was commissioned before the first surgery. It decorated the room at the hospital, collecting signatures and words of wisdom with gold and silver paint pens. That set the tone for the years of challenge that lay ahead. There were multiple surgeries to endure, and seemingly unending chemotherapy. At every turn, the journey was more complicated than we expected. Each milestone was met, endured, witnessed and, ultimately, celebrated.

Seriously, we –she – never missed an opportunity to celebrate. A personal favorite was her printing of thank you T-shirts, brown with HUGE Pink Letters that read, “NO MO CHEMO: You Made the Difference, Thank you for Life.” Now, four years later, my kids still use them as “sleep shirts.” They remain a quiet affirmation of Tanta’s joie d’ vivre, her passion for celebration and her commitment to living fully.

This week, my sister by choice – my kids’ Tanta, my son’s godmother celebrates four years cancer-free! I am grateful every day that she is alive, and well, and lives to fight my husband over the turkey carcass the morning after Thanksgiving. She is a shadow of her former self in size, and she looms larger than life for her children, and mine, and the dozens of other children and adults who know her and feel loved by her (and, as you can imagine, EVERYONE knows Tanta).

I’m reminded of my favorite Zen parable: a man, chased by a tiger, jumps over a cliff and is hanging precariously from the tiny limb of a tree that is sticking out from the side of the cliff. As the man looks up there is a tiger above, and as the man looks down there is a great distance below. To the side he looks and sees a strawberry. He reaches for it, and it is delicious.

Tanta was changed by the experience of surviving cancer. She is more grounded, more grateful, and more laid-back than in the past. Perhaps her flamboyance is a bit tempered – just a bit – but her enthusiasm has never waned – not an iota. Through every step of her journey, even with tigers in the wings, she has reached for the strawberry and tasted the joy of life. It’s delicious.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus is a Life, Leadership and Parenting Coach and the founder of Touchstone Coaching and ImpactADHD™. She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist.

Read more articles by Elaine Taylor-Klaus here.

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