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Six years and about 35 pounds ago, I gazed at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. After six pregnancies and three births, I spoke out loud, "Okay, I’ve got to accept that this is what my middle-aged body is going to look like. It’s time to move on and get healthy.”

Hand on my belly, I deputized ‘the pooch’ as my badge of honor. 

I let the ‘aha’ moment sink in. Previously, I had focused on avoiding the pain of being overweight. It was time to seek the pleasure of feeling good in my body. So I made a decision, then and there, right hand resting on ‘the pooch’ as if swearing an oath on a Bible. 

If I was never going to be thin, again, I could certainly be healthy. THAT much I could do for myself. Couldn’t I? 

Not long after my third child was born I opted to stay home and do the ‘mom-thing’ full time. Wow. I have never worked so hard in my life. You’d think those 16- and 18- hour days of constant motion would just shed the pounds – after all, who had the time for a proper meal, anyway? 

But instead of losing the weight, my erratic eating habits, lack of regular exercise, constant snacking off the plates of my kids, and general feeling of being overwhelmed kept my body in a kind of pudgy homeostasis.

As my naked body stared back at me from the mirror that day, I surrendered to what I thought was the inevitable dowdiness of middle-age. I determined to focus on feeling well for myself, instead of attractive to others.  I wanted to be able to climb a flight of stairs without feeling winded, pick up my rowdy pre-schooler without faltering, and have the energy to continue the pace of my life without a constant feeling of exhaustion. 

I wanted to feel healthy, for me. 

I wasn’t exactly sure how to get healthy, and I was secretly hoping I could do it without making “exercise” a large part of the plan (that was before I discovered that exercise does not necessarily require being publicly intimidated by obscenely skinny women in spandex). But I knew one thing clearly: my focus needed to shift from negative to positive.  Instead of trying to ‘lose’ weight, I grew determined to create health.  

It was time for a more loving and accepting approach to my body. 

I didn’t realize at the time how much that attitude change would contribute to the gradual though significant weight loss I experienced over the next few years.  In retrospect, it’s very likely that my positive mindset, my ability to reframe my focus to what I wanted to create (and why), had more to do with my eventual good health than any of the specific “weight loss” strategies I employed.   

Weight loss doesn’t happen in the body alone.  Change starts in the mind and the heart. The mind is strongly influenced by our motivations, our feelings and our values, which come from some place deep and has a lot to do with self-love and respect. 

It turns out, my WANTING for myself – truly, deeply wanting better – was a major player in my long-term success.  

Shortly after I left the world of dieting forever (for me DIET always stood for Deprivation Ineffective Every Time), I embraced the world of coaching. THAT was the best trade I’ve ever made.   

Through coaching I began to respect myself differently, not just for my accomplishments, but for my authenticity.  Intellectually, I knew that I was deserving of happiness and entitled to a good life.  Things began to shift when I started to believe it. The pounds started melting away when I wanted to take care of myself because I felt better when I did. 

Sure, there were many other factors that went into dropping four sizes in four years.  We all know that we have to “eat less and move more.” But to do that effectively, you have to get your head and heart in the right place.  It helps to love yourself enough to want the change you’re seeking – not for appearances, or what others might think, or even to get into those skinny goal jeans in the back of the closet (which are now too big, by the way).  

After you get clear on what you want, the why has to be pretty compelling.  If it doesn’t have something to do with feeling good about yourself, if you don’t believe you deserve to take care of yourself, you may be fighting an uphill battle. 

My health focus has been in place for more than six years, and I continue to tweak things regularly. I often get well-meaning comments and questions like “You look so skinny.”  “How much weight have you lost?” and “How did you do it?” 

Since the beginning, my answer has been clear. To the “skinny” comment I respond with, “Thanks, I feel healthy.” I love the response that gets!  To the “how” questions, I usually answer, with a broad grin, “I got happy.”  My success lived in the combination of the two. My conclusion: Healthy Leads to Happy (& Thin)™. 

What I Know Now™ when it comes to getting healthy:

1.   Give yourself permission to truly WANT for yourself, something deeper than appearances.

2.   Get clear on WHY you want to change and what it will do for your life.

3.   BELIEVE that you are worth it.

4.   Put some effort into learning to LOVE yourself.

5.   BELIEVE that, too.

6.   Have patience with the process.  When you falter, go back to step 1, and start again. 

And when you get to Step 4, slow down and give yourself the love and support you deserve.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus is a Life, Leadership and Parenting Coach and the founder of Touchstone Coaching and ImpactADHD™. She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist.

Read more articles by Elaine Taylor-Klaus here. 

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