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Years ago, I worked with a successful young businesswoman named Terri* who wanted to carve out some room in her life for her long lost love: fine arts photography, a creative pursuit she had given up decades ago for some unknown reason. When I asked her what she believed was holding her back, she said, “time, time is my worst enemy.”

I can’t tell you how often I hear some variety on that theme from clients. And while I know that many of us lead busy lives and believe time is our worst enemy, when it comes to doing that special something – whether it’s spending time with loved ones, writing poetry or exercising on a regular basis – the truth is that time isn’t our worst enemy. We are.

Yes, we are our own worst enemies.  Instead of living our lives according to our priorities, we allow life to happen.  We need to become aware of the obstacles that get in our way and find a way to get around them. We live our lives on auto pilot and do what we think other people want us to do.  And, then wonder why we feel so resentful and unfulfilled.

It’s true that we can’t pursue all our goals at once because we need to make a living and take care of our families (if we have children).  And, it’s also true that we are constantly inundated with requests from loved ones and our employers to do this or that.  But, in the end, we are the ones in charge of our lives. So we need to take charge …

While it may not seem like we have much choice in life, we actually do. Everyday we make hundreds of choices, from choosing to get out of bed in the morning, to going to work, to choosing to chair that committee that the board president asked that we lead. Whether we realize it or not, we are making choices everyday that affect our lives.

Let’s look a little closer at the life of my client, Terri, to see how her choices and her beliefs were affecting her life. Terri was running a successful business and was newly married. She had a ton of to-dos and obligations in her life that she was convinced she couldn’t let go of. But she had come to me for help because she was tired. Tired of spending too much time in her business. 

And, tired of having too little time for herself. She had decided to hire me as a coach, because she knew something had to give; otherwise she was going to continue feeling “resentful and out of control.”

Maybe you can relate to Terri’s predicament. I’ve certainly found myself in a similar place at times – wanting to be a successful coach and writer but also yearning to have rich and fulfilling relationships and the time to pursue my interests.

So what’s a person in Terri’s shoes to do?

Well, first it was important for my client to look at her motivation for pursuing her goal. In other words, why did she want to weave photography into her life? Was it a way for her to connect with other like-minded people (through attending a class)? Was her creativity a spiritual outlet? Or was her desire to use this outside interest as sort of sanctuary away from her business? Or maybe there was another reason for her wanting to take up this interest she had cast aside when she was a teenager?

The second question I asked Terri was about her beliefs. What were her beliefs about pursuing this goal? When she thought about spending time making photographs and bringing out the best in those images in the darkroom, what thoughts came up for her?  I often find that when clients yearn to bring more creativity into their lives, some common thoughts that arise for them are “that’s such a waste of time,” or “who do I think I am; I’m not an artist” or “making art doesn’t pay the bills.” There are a whole host of other limiting beliefs that come up, depending on the person, but those are typically the biggies.

As it turned out, Terri had several limiting beliefs about her photography. But the one that got in her way the most was the idea that making photographs was a huge waste of time, especially when she had so many other tasks on her to do list. So before we began the “outer work” of creating a plan to achieve her goals, it was important for her to do the “inner work.” 

She needed to take a careful look at her limiting beliefs to determine where they came from and whether she truly believed them or had inadvertently accepted them. After a bit of time travel, Terri determined that her limiting beliefs were learned at a young age from her father, who had a strong work ethic.  He believed that no one should spend time or energy on anything unless there was a monetary incentive. Otherwise, it was a big waste of time.

Unwittingly, when she was a young child Terri had swallowed her father’s belief whole. But the question was whether this belief was serving her today and if not, what new belief did she want to adopt that might propel her toward her goal?

Terri decided that the belief she had adopted as a young child was definitely getting in her way.  After much reflection, she decided on a new belief that would help her rather than hurt her. Her new belief, which doubled as an affirmation, was this: “photography helps me loosen up and have fun, which is good for me and my relationships and my business.”

When Terri was inclined to skip her photography class or forego a photographic excursion to do something “more practical,” she agreed to repeat her new belief – also known as an affirmation – to remind herself of the importance of her pastime, and the fact that her creative pursuit was NOT a waste of time.

Over time, Terri took the necessary steps to make her dream a reality, and today photography is once again a bright spot in her life. That is not to say that her path to creativity was quick and easy. Like most of us, she took unexpected detours and circled back to where she had begun, on a few occasions.

Sometimes, she also needed to remind herself that time was not her greatest enemy – that it was her negative thoughts and limiting beliefs that got in her way.

But in spite of her conditioning as a young child, she found that she could create new beliefs, which when coupled with persistence and encouragement, allowed her to achieve her dreams. 

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH, and a regular columnist on ShareWIK.com.  Visit her website at http://ellen-brown.com. 

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©2011 ShareWIK Media Group, LLC

 * Terri’s name and some of the facts in her “story” has been changed slightly to protect her identity.