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Last week, I watched a man in a check-out line balance a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates and a 12-pack of Bud Light. 

In preparation for Mother’s Day. Obviously.

There are signs everywhere:  “Just what Mom wants,” and “Don’t forget Mother’s Day.” 

We all know Mothers’ and Fathers’ days are holidays created as money-makers for card companies.  It has to be that way.  Because children would never initiate Mothers’ Day on their own.  Which leaves it to husbands, who have a reputation for being dense. 

Also, they have a difficult time spending money on things they find expensive, delicate... and useless. 

Which is exactly what most women want.

Despite the awkwardness of gift selection, I think it’s kinda nice that kids get pressured to say “thanks” once a year.  And it doesn’t hurt to give adults a lifetime to make-up for being ungrateful.  By definition, good Moms do things that prompt the opposite of gratitude:  tell you to clean up your room and blow your nose, ask if you flushed and washed your hands, remind you to change your socks and underwear, and ask embarrassing questions about members of the opposite sex.

Until you grow up, move out and wise up.

Erma Bombeck famously advised, “Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.”

I didn’t have that luxury.  My in-laws lived in another country.  But I should have had a clue when my husband told me he didn’t send a card because, “They don’t celebrate Mother’s Day in Germany.”

Now don’t judge just yet.  Because he’s a foodie, so he “gets” the chocolate thing.  I can always count on a good stash of some sort of chocolaty goodness from my gang.

Beyond that, he knows the weakness he shares with most men.  So he asks what I want.

Thing is, I want him to know what I want.  

It’s the universal conundrum for most men.

Which is why the stores put the signs out.

And why men buy chocolate, flowers … and beer.

Humor writer Hallie Bandy is the mother of four children and lives on a farmette in rural Kentucky--both of which provide more than enough fodder for her writing.  She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist. 

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