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My sister died of breast cancer at the age of 52.  She didn’t think the cancer would spread and chose not to get the best medical care.  For a long time she did not mention how she was progressing.  Eventually she revealed that the cancer had metastasized and was in her liver, lungs and back. 

It was at that same age that my mammograms began to change.  There were suspicious calcium deposits and surgical biopsies were necessary each time, every six months.  The doctors gave me tomaxifin, a chemo that made me horribly nauseous.  I tried for months, but just could not tolerate the drug.

The biopsies were painful.  There were scars and infections each time.  But I had little time to worry about what was happening to me.  My life was changing too fast.  My soon–to-be-ex husband was departing.  My son was getting married.  A divorce, surgeries and a wedding would all have to cohabitate. 

I cried to the girl in the mirror.  She just cried back.  It must have been the other, stronger side of me, who told me to wipe my tears and get on with the program.   And that is when I realized that life would go on no matter how I was feeling or what I would face next.

And as my life goes on now, I hear my friends, my chosen sisters, who are struggling with their feelings and are doing their best to get on with their lives each day.  Here are some simple tips to make the days easier to handle:

Get a vest.  This is an easy way to keep your procedures safe and private.  And the added warmth feels good on those sensitive parts.

Air hugs.  You’ve heard of air kisses.  Air hugs are when you hug lightly but don’t touch upper torsos.    If you learn the technique, you will keep your sensitive parts away from other sisters’ sensitive parts.

Let other sisters help you.  When it takes more energy to do practically anything, let caring girlfriends help you drive, carry or cook.  For some of us, it feels good to be able to pay back the kindness of others.

Sophia Loren once said that women should always wear a low cut dress to show off their cleavage.  Breast surgery can bring an identity crisis that tugs at a woman’s confidence and her sexuality.  What used to feel sexy now may feel like a huge blow to a woman’s self-esteem. 

The best advice I can offer to my sisters is the advice given to me by the girl in the mirror.  She reminded me of Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind…Tomorrow is another day.  Together we can face each day. 

This column is written in loving memory of those sisters we have lost but who will be with us always.

Susanne Katz is a divorce coach with Mt Vernon Counseling, coauthor of A Woman's Guide to Managing a Mid-Life Divorce, an arts and living columnist for Atlanta Jewish News.com.  She is also a regular on ShareWIK.com.

More Susanne Katz here. 

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