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For most people, New Year's resolutions are about improving life, about making a fresh start. Perhaps we want to lose weight, exercise, or a number of other self-improvement projects. However, when we are grieving, our tendency is to look backwards, not forwards.

Here are some softer resolutions that may work for you as you begin to learn from your grief and understand your emotions.

CARING - Allow yourself to accept expressions of caring from others even though they might be uneasy and awkward. Support groups may be beneficial to you.

GOALS - For a while, it may seem that much of life is without meaning. At times like these, there are two seemingly contradictory rules of thumb: “live one day at a time” and “small goals can help.” If you try to plan something to look forward to — like a movie, going to lunch with a friend or a small trip next month — it can help you get through the immediate future.

HOPE - You may find comfort and hope from those who have experienced a similar loss. They can describe some things that have helped them. The realization that they have recovered and that time does help, can give you hope that sometime in the future your grief will be less raw and painful. 

BALANCE  – Take care of yourself and work to obtain balance in your life.  Try to find  a balance of work, play, rest and relaxation.

SECURITY - Try to reduce or find help for stresses in your life. Allow yourself to be close to those you trust. Getting back into a routine helps. Remember to do things at your own pace.

SMALL PLEASURES - Do not underestimate the healing effects of small pleasures. A walk, reading a book or magazine, preparing a favorite food all are small steps toward regaining your pleasure in life itself.

TIME - Take time to be alone. And, take time to be with others whom you trust and who will listen when you need to talk. Allow time for the feelings that accompany grief and time to understand those feelings.

Wishing you peace in your heart in 2012.

Diane Snyder Cowan is the mother of two grown daughters and a national leader in using music in grief therapy, as well as the director of Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center of Hospice of the Western Reserve in Cleveland, Ohio.   She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist. To learn more about Diane, visit her blog

Read other Diane Snyder Cowan columns here.

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