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Lately, I’ve been wondering whether it’s just my imagination, or whether men in our culture have more freedom than women to pursue a hobby or special interest. My hunch is that yes, they do. Or maybe they just feel more entitled to spend time on themselves in general.

Or who knows, maybe my “working theory” is an excuse for nursing my jealousy and staying stuck, because here’s what I DO know: pursuing a hobby or special interest would be healthy for me, physically and mentally. Not only would a hobby be relaxing and fun, it would help me expand my mind, relieve stress and offer me a creative outlet.

So it should be a no brainer, yes? I should stop thinking about it and choose a hobby and get going all ready, right?

I really should, I tell myself, but then that voice in my head – call it the gremlin or the inner critic – whispers “Ellen, don’t you have better things to do?” or “Having a hobby is a waste of time. Where will it really get you?”

And surprise, surprise, I take my inner critic’s opinion to heart. I think, Hmm, I do have better things to do. Cleaning the house. Making dinner. Watering the plants in the garden. Paying the bills. There seems to be an endless list of chores that awaits.

Yet, my husband doesn’t appear to have the same inner struggle. He has a couple special interests – photography and playing the guitar – and when he has some spare time he gives himself permission to experiment and play. Oh, I know he feels a few pangs of guilt from time to time, wondering whether he should be doing something “more productive,” but it doesn’t stop him like it stops me.

Am I jealous? Well, yes, a bit. Which is not to say that I want him to stop.  Because I can see how much these activities lift him up out of the muck. And the truth is, I want what he has. I want to lose myself in something fun. Noodling around without a care in the world. Grinning like a kid.

I know I’m not alone in my envy. I have female friends whose husbands or significant others have no problem making time for a hobby or two, whether it’s playing music or creating art, while they sit on the sidelines wishing they could do the same. And the fact is that some women (and some men) may not have the time to pursue a hobby at certain times in their lives – like when they’re consumed with raising their young children or caring for an aging parent. But many of us do …

Sometimes I wonder: is this a cultural thing, where men are given permission to take time for themselves and women aren’t? Or is it something we learn in our families of origin? 

Or maybe the “why” doesn’t even matter.

Maybe, instead of castigating men for their “irresponsibility” we should emulate them. Maybe it’s about deciding that having a special interest is important enough and giving ourselves permission to have fun.

The fact is I’ve often thought about getting back into photography – a hobby I enjoyed when I was much younger. But my inner critic always has a long list of excuses.

Maybe instead of listening to my mouthy inner critic and complaining that men have it easy, while women have it so hard, it’s time to say enough already and take charge of my life. Why? Because we all deserve to have fun, regardless of our gender!

There will always be clothes to clean and bills to pay. But if we don’t take time to experiment and play, life in the end is going to be bitter or bland. And at the end of our lives one thing is for certain: we’re not going to be wishing we’d kept a cleaner house.

I’d love to hear what you have to say on this topic. Do YOU make time for fun in your life with a special interest or hobby? And if not, what holds you back? Please leave a comment here on ShareWIK.com

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH, and a regular columnist on ShareWIK.com.  Visit her website at http://ellen-brown.com. 

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