ShareWIK.com

My second child was almost four weeks old before he was able to leave the hospital.  The doctor wished me luck in keeping this very sick baby alive.  My instructions were to feed the baby first one ounce and then two ounces of milk every two hours around the clock.  The baby would only pull through, the doctor said, if we bonded quickly and if we had good luck.

For the next month I went from being scared to feeling anxious and then to being thoroughly exhausted.  It was a superhuman fete to give this child 12 feedings (that took an hour each) and then to take care of my 22-month-old son and my normal daily schedule.  I tried desperately to function although I was sleep deprived, exhausted, isolated and overwhelmed.

Even in the best of circumstances the stress of raising two young children can be an overwhelming task.  What I know now is that certain challenges are unpredictable; but others can and should be addressed to put a firm foundation in place before the second baby is born. 

There is a greater chance of experiencing postpartum depression if:

• The baby is sick. Fear and devastation are unexpected emotions when coming at this time
  
• You have a poor social support system. It is lonely when there is no one to turn to and talk to
  
• There are other life stresses or lifestyle challenges present. Marital or financial pressures can add to a feeling of isolation and desperation
  
• You are prone to depression. It is important to be aware of your ability to manage in crisis and to have a plan in place, just in case
  

I was isolated from family and most of my friends, living almost an hour away.  My parents were unable or unwilling to provide the support I needed and, in our financial situation, my children’s father prioritized his career over parenting.

Here is what I learned to do:

• Ask for help from people in your close surroundings – a neighbor or a new friend
  
• Get out and join up a mommy-and-me exercise group or a morning play group
  
• Change your perspective. The goal here is to get through those first tough years
  

My saving grace was a new friend who lived nearby who knew just what to do and who was there when I needed her support and friendship.  I will never forget her wisdom and compassion. We still enjoy a life-long friendship today. 

What I learned was that I did not have to feel isolated and alone.  All new mothers need support and assurance.  The seemingly insurmountable problems became manageable when we handled them together.  We traded off taking care of the toddlers.  We came to each other’s rescue and answered each other’s SOS calls. 

My friend helped me change my perspective and together we helped each other get through those first three years together. Our four children grew up, married and are raising their own children. 

Between us now, we enjoy seven grandchildren. Her name is Mimi and I am Grandma Sus.

Susanne Katz is the author of “A Woman’s Guide to Managing a Mid-Life Divorce,” and an arts and living columnist for Atlanta Jewish News.com.  She is also a regular on ShareWIK.com.

More Susanne Katz here. 

 ©2011 ShareWIK Media Group, LLC