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Every holiday season you will be tricked into thinking the perfect holiday exists.  Here’s what you can do to avoid the Holiday Perfection Syndrome (HPS):

1.        Do not believe you must decorate every square inch. That amazing décor on HGTV you will try to emulate? Costs too much. The fab hot handyman on TV who can wear a tool belt well? He’s not coming over to help. Uncle Fred, aka Clark Griswold, will. Try not to let him on the roof.

2.        That holiday party where you get to wear a sexy dress, have adult conversation and dance with your husband? Well, while you are enjoying your one dance a decade, thieves broke into your minivan.  You did not foil the seasoned criminals by hiding your purse under a baby blanket.  They snagged your wallet, your daughter’s car seat, the CDs in the visor and stripped the ignition.  (However, the joke’s on the thugs – can they truly “jam” on a joyride to your Mamma Mia and Jersey Boys soundtracks?)

3.        Toys come put together only on TV. That intricate castle with rotating life-size dragons, which your boys can shoot laser guns at? It comes in 7,500 pieces and triple Z batteries, which haven’t been invented yet. Directions are not in English. Your spouse will use words reserved for prison gang tattoos.

4.        All holiday movies are not created equal.  Please do not get sucked into the fallacy “It’s a Christmas movie so it must be good.” Certain films—“It’s A Wonderful Life”, “Christmas Story”, “Elf” -- are staples. You do not need to watch 3,000 nights of the Woman’s Holiday Channel because though it’s technically a “script” they call a “tearjerker,” you will find yourself laughing at some dialogue. Also, things end well. You can guess this; so don’t bother staying up till 1 a.m. to make sure, because you have to get up in four hours to buy the 5 a.m. door buster special.

5.        If you are going for joy on your child’s face on Christmas morning, it is best to not get him socks and underwear. Save that for the big shopping trip to the mall and food court during the after-Christmas letdown.  Also, it’s best to not get him anything like a subscription to “Catholic Digest” or anything that preaches the meaning of the holidays. “Modern Warfare 3” seems to be in, however.  Nothing says Christmas like massive violence.

6.        You do not have to bake cookies for your entire neighborhood in the shape of a menorah on top of a manger in front of a Kwanzaa candleholder over a solstice snowflake, iced in red for the upcoming Chinese New Year. This is too hard to bend the dough. A $10 gift card to the grocery store is acceptable.

7.        After you put up the tree by yourself because the husband is busy, and the kids don’t care about revisiting every ornament purchased on every vacation, be sure to stand back and admire your work. Take a picture. It is the last time you will see everything intact, because the dog will visit, whacking the tree with his tail breaking several ornaments.

8.        When co-workers suggest an ornament exchange, do not agree to it. Our landfills are being overtaken with candy cane ornaments. Do we really need another one? Should we perhaps suggest an exchange of cash?

9.        Realize there is no perfect holiday dinner.  Twenty minutes into your family eating your turkey, the timer will pop up, alerting everyone they may now have salmonella.

10.      Acknowledge you may find yourself at a hospital on the supposed most glorious days of the year. You will curse and cry, but then you will hug your family and tell them “It’s a wonderful life.”  You might even be able to get the IV to beep along to “Jingle Bells.”

 Kristine Meldrum Denholm is an award-winning freelance writer, published in best-selling anthologies, newspapers, magazines, and online.  Visit her at www.KristineMeldrumDenholm.com, or join in the talk on Facebook at www.facebook.com/KristineMeldrumDenholm or Twitter @writerandmom.

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