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My parents start the day by reading the obituaries and many older adults do the same. They think about their own mortality while grieving the death of family, friends and the community at large.

Older adults experience grief much the same as younger and middle-aged adults. However, due to their age and life experience, many factors can impact their grief reaction.

The natural process of aging includes many losses. These include loss of physical strength and endurance, loss of independence, loss of mobility and loss of youth and beauty.  Older adults may have to give up their role in the family and subsequently, family dynamics change.

Losses that accompany physical disease and mental illness also have an impact.  In addition, older adults who experience spousal death may experience the loss of financial security, their best friend and other social contacts.  Finally, older adults may feel sad, but do not identify their feelings as grief and certainly are not willing to share these feelings with others.

Specific Issues Impacting Older Adults

Older adults often experience several losses within a short period of time. They are more likely to have had a friend or family member die in close proximity. All their childhood friends may have died or have dwindled in numbers. The Saturday night club, which originally hosted 6 couples, now has two and many widows or widowers. Older adults may go to 12 funerals or more in one year. What is important is that each loss has a different level of significance.  Grieving many losses concurrently can result in feeling overwhelmed or numb.

Some older adults lack awareness that they are grieving. Maybe no one asks them how they are feeling. They may be unwilling to tell others because they don’t want to be a burden or they may fear being “placed” somewhere.

They might feel grief is just part of getting old and disenfranchise their own feelings of sadness. However, many older adults suffer from untreated depression. Depression can occur with other medical illnesses and healthcare professionals often mistakenly conclude that depression is a normal consequence of these illnesses. The elderly do this as well.  Some people believe that depression is a normal part of being elderly. This makes the depression under-diagnosed and under-treated. Depression is not normal for people of any age.

Older adults may lack the support systems they once had.  After the funeral families return to their homes (often out of state) and their busy lives. Consequently, many older adults become isolated.

How can we help?

• Give older adults more time to become aware of and express their feelings.
  
• Point out signs and changes in behavior and sadness.
  
• Older adults who are isolated can benefit from the company of others.
  
• Talk about the deceased. Encourage the older adult to share memories.
  
• Since many older adults have experienced multiple losses, encourage them to talk about each loss separately.
  
• Be aware of the signs of depression.
  

Diane Snyder Cowan is the mother of two grown daughters and a national leader in using music in grief therapy, as well as the director of Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center of Hospice of the Western Reserve in Cleveland, Ohio.   She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist. To learn more about Diane, visit her blog.  

Read other Diane Snyder Cowan columns here. 

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