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Imagine another way to experience sexuality, one that merges body, mind and spirit when we make love.  At its most sublime, sex is an expression of physical and spiritual connection.  In our lover’s embrace and in our mutual satisfaction, we are momentarily transcendent. That is because sensuality resonates in the essence of who we are – and not in the act of intercourse. In truth, sex is as sacred as we make it” (Sanctifying sex and our sexual identities).
 
At the time I wrote those words, I had not yet heard the term ecstatic sex. Delving into the realm of sacred sexuality occurred shortly after I intuited on my own that there could more to sex than just bodies exchanging heat and sweat, that pleasure was actually a Blessing. After all, we don’t call it lovemaking for nothing, but the path to authentic intimacy - which encompasses physical, emotional and mental connection, but is not limited to these by any means - is not well lit in our current relationship paradigm.

Promiscuity vs. Prudishness
We live in a world heavy on smut (on one hand) and denial and shame (on the other); sexuality is particularly stretched between the polarized ends of promiscuity and prudishness. Sex is either viewed as junk food, something to gorge on, consume and imbibe in random abundance. It is devoid of intimacy and full of f**cking. 

But we all know the consequences of a binge. A booty call may scratch a momentary itch, however, it is not enough to feed your soul, calm your brain, or connect you to something more meaningful in the person literally entering into your space.
 
Prudishness is equally reactive. The messages of ‘don’t have sex!’ (unless very specific conditions are met, defined by someone other than you) because it is dirty/shameful/sinful are rooted in fear and misinformation, leftovers from a puritanical past mixed in with good old fashion sexual subjugation, particularly of women.  We see evidence of these extremes everyday, and I could go on and on to make this case, but my suspicion is that readers already understand the point.
 
We Need Each Other
Humans are wired for companionship. Whatever relationship paradigm suits each person or couple, from monogamy to polyamory, heterosexuality, homosexuality, and everything in between, we share the common yearning to connect with others. Once we’ve found our ‘Soul Mate’ and get down to the nitty gritty of our love – i.e., growing vis-à-vis and through the dynamics of our relationship – you will, through trial, error and conflict, discover that you want to create a 'softer' space that allows for deeper bonding.
 
Viewed from this paradigm, ecstatic sex is the idea that making love involves more than just physical pleasure and procreation, that it is also a sacred expression of our soul and spiritual life force. 

Ancient Lovers
Interestingly enough, our ancestors may have already had a better understanding of how to do this. In a column in Huffington Post, Linda Savage wrote “This perspective was the norm in many cultures pre-dating Greek and Roman times and these societies date back 30,000 years...the fact is that sexuality and spirituality were never split until well into the first millennium of the Common Era when denial of the body became the popular theology of the day.”

How did this split come about? One possible answer arrived serendipitously, in a book about food (food and sex are related from the perspectives of pleasure and procreation).  Samuel. H. Dresner of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism Commission on Jewish Education, 2000 discusses the notions of holiness, escapism and exploitation from the perspectives of the world’s major spiritual movements - paganism, Judaism, and Buddhism/Early Christianity. 

He writes, “Exploitation says nature is holy and thereby unleashes the beast within us.  Escape says nature is unholy and thereby frustrates our natural desires.  Sanctification says nature is neither holy or unholy, but is waiting to be made holy and it thereby sublimates our natural desires to the service of God…”
 
If we see the connection between holiness, escapism and exploitation, we can also see how we view basic human drives. Or, in the case of sex, create an unnatural dichotomy between escapism (prudishness) and exploitation (promiscuity), leaving no room for sanctification (ecstatic) lovemaking.
 
Ecstatic sex introduces a deeper consciousness into lovemaking between partners. This translates into a stronger sense of connectedness and commitment. The sexual act becomes transcendental, blissful, and inspiring.
 
As Ms. Savage writes, “sexual experiences produce a sense of merging with the source of energy and losing physical boundaries during orgasm...It is cosmic orgasm, the direct experience of the self as pure energy, in union with a divine source.”
 
Why Do Women Orgasm?
Speaking of orgasm, we all know why men do.  It’s the start of the sperm's journey to the egg. But what about women? It isn’t necessary for her to conceive. Furthermore, intercourse is quite enjoyable without an orgasm, but we like having them nonetheless (and so do some of our primate cousins, it appears, based on scientific research).
 
Why do we have a clitoris, in fact? The female fun button serves no other purpose than to provide sexual satisfaction; not only that, it doesn’t age. From birth to death, baring any injury, it is at her service.
 
The point of all these unanswered questions is to suggest that, as science decodes the mystery of our sexuality, we are led to conclude that the very nature of orgasm suggests that making love is the ultimate Blessing of Pleasure. And ecstatic sex is just one of many concepts helping couples discover what their own personal bliss really is.
 
Tinamarie is a top-rated writer of sex, love and relationships. From celebrity relationships, sacred and eco-sexuality, erotica and feminism, to dating and mating advice for couples who want to deepen intimacy, Tinamarie covers what today's Modern Lovers want to know about. You can send her emails, good vibes and inquiries about relationship book reviews to tmbsdre@yahoo.com. She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist.

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