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So, did you make any New Year’s resolutions this year?  Many of us do and they most often focus on how we can make ourselves better.  Exercise more, eat better, clean out our closets, reconnect with friends, and the list goes on. 

How many of you parents made your children a part of your resolutions?    New Year’s resolutions tend to bring out the need for “me” but as a teacher, I am here to tell you that the “wee” ones in your life need some attention too.

What in the hell is happening to our children?  What are we as parents doing to our kids?  

There is a crisis with our youth that the responsible adults in their lives are ignoring.  This crisis is the failing mental health of our own flesh and blood as they are forced into dealing with the crisis in a parent’s life.

Four new students have joined my classroom since December 10.  Considering there were only 10 students to begin with, this is a 40 percent increase.  All four children are coming from homes broken by alcoholism, addiction to pornography, and infidelity.  All four have now become part of the statistic that approximately 40 percent of all children in the U.S. today come from divorced parents.  (healthvermont.gov)  And while a great number of children appear to adjust to their parent’s divorce without any significant issues, a considerable number of children do not deal well with the change in their family’s structure.

Let me tell you about Benjamin.  His father is an alcoholic.  I don’t know the status of his sobriety but Benjamin thinks his dad is still drinking and that is all that matters.  One day last week, Ben was not acting himself. He looked physically ill.  He frequently had his head down on his desk, his eyes were tearing up, and he clearly couldn’t concentrate on his school work. 

I asked him several times if there was anything I could do to help – did he want to go home?  Call his mom?  Anything?  I finally got him to confide in me that he had had a bad phone conversation with his dad the night before.  Apparently dad told him that he didn’t want to see him.  I have no idea what his dad said or meant by that statement, but I know how Ben took it.  He heard ‘my dad doesn’t like me, much less love me, therefore he doesn’t want to spend any time with me.’  Further, he didn’t want to tell his mom what dad said because he felt it would cause more problems.  What a burden for a 12-year-old to deal with.  I wonder if Ben’s dad made any resolutions this year?

Next I’ve got Charlotte.  Her parents have recently separated because dad has alcohol and other addictive behavior issues.  Charlotte is an academically sound student but she does seem to need more affirmation and attention than others in my class.  The good news is that she has forged a bond with the boy I have spoken of in earlier columns whose mother is a chronic alcoholic.  They have found common ground with their dysfunctional families and perhaps they can support one another in a positive way.  I hope one or both of their parents has made a New Year’s resolution to find their way back to their families.

Certainly a New Year’s resolution is not the guaranteed fix for a hurting family.  Addiction is an evil master in anyone’s life and is not the path most people chose to remain on.  I know that staying sober, staying clean, staying away from the things that pull you down is difficult.  I know that parents do not intentionally bring children into the world with the intent of causing them distress and grief. 

I also know that addiction is selfish and in order to continue the habit you have to continue to think only of yourself and your habit.  What I am angry about is while these parents are off feeding their addictions, I am in the classroom trying to provide a stable school environment for children who are overwhelmed with pain and agony.  Forget learning math, science, reading, spelling, and history, I am teaching survival skills, how to deal with anxiety, and how to behave in a responsible manner all while trying to be encouraging and supportive to these students.

I commend the parents who do everything in their power to support and provide stability in their children’s lives.  I pray continuously for parents whose lives are ruled by addiction. 

But my hope is in our youth who will one day be making decision for you and me as they become the leaders of our communities.  I hope that any resolutions they make will be done thinking of the “wee” ones in their lives and not just their “me”.

Margaret Andersen is the mother of three teenagers and is a middle school teacher somewhere in the Midwest.  She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist. For more Margaret Anderson articles, click here. 

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