ShareWIK.com

Dear Mom,

Now that I am out on my own and have to clean my own bathroom, do my own laundry, make my own meals, and be my own taskmaster/cheerleader, I have a new perspective of the love, care and hard work you put into raising me.

Thank you for standing your ground when I tried to guilt you or out-negotiate you into letting me have whatever I wanted. I remember you told me that stuff "can’t fill you up." I’m beginning to understand what you mean. Like you said when I was eight, "We may not be rich in money, but we’re rich in love."

Thank you for calling me on my selfish behavior when it happened – not every time, but enough so that I knew you weren’t putting up with it. Like the time I smarted-off about having to unload the eight cases of water you picked up at the grocery store especially for me. After I sulked away you quietly disconnected cable for the entire summer. Boy, was I pissed when I found out. But I had to respect you; after all, you didn’t watch TV all summer either.

Thank you for listening to me when I felt you acted wrong in some way, too, and for apologizing when you knew you should have done better. (Thanks for not accepting my word every time I thought you acted wrong – some of those times I was just embarrassed by you, or mad that I couldn’t get my way, or irritated at something else and taking it out on you.)

Thank you for constantly correcting my manners and for letting me know the boundary between being funny and being mean. I’m sorry you were so often the butt of my sarcasm; I know I picked on you a lot, criticizing everything from your inability to remember stuff to your lack of knowledge about pop culture. I don’t know why I was so tense. Thank you for often just blowing it off sometimes and thank you for telling me when you had had enough.

Thank you for showing me what it means to stand up for yourself when you felt you weren’t being treated right, or when you thought someone might be trying to take advantage of my inexperience or lack of knowledge. Although these were the most embarrassing times for me (why couldn’t you just let it go when salespeople were inept?) I thank you for demonstrating that a person can be firm and clear without actually being rude – although at the time, of course, I thought you were horrible. I now understand the difference between what I thought of then as "ripping someone a new one" or "acting like a bitch" and what you were really doing – speaking up for yourself.

Thank you for constantly nagging me to try harder in school; you believed I was smarter than my grades showed (and I knew you were right).

Thank you for telling me again and again that drinking and using drugs can harm my brain and my future, and that I needed to learn to enjoy life without these things. I hated it at the time, but thank you for grounding me for months the first time I really did something stupid.

Thank you for making me take out the trash, make my bed, clean out the dishwasher, fold my clothes, clean my bathroom, write thank you cards – and sometimes making me do it over again if I did a shitty job. It made me a better employee and helped me feel the pride of doing a job well.

And by the way, thank you for making me get a job ever since I was 11 years old and making me walk or ride my bike to work.

Thank you for making me do volunteer work ALL. THE. TIME. It made me more compassionate and showed me that I should always make room in my life to help others less fortunate than I.

Thank you for never shying away from a topic, no matter how personal or weird or scary, you were there to listen and sometimes give me your opinion, and sometimes leave the decisions up to me. Thank you for being realistic about what kids do, and still holding the line at your expectations for me, and reminding me that choices have their own consequences.

Thank you for the loving friendship you created with Dad. It is an amazing (and sometimes weird) to have divorced parents who are best friends; who love and support each other. I never felt in the middle; I never had to choose. And thank you for showing me the kind of love you and Sean have, too. I learned that just because one relationship doesn’t turn out the way you hoped, doesn’t mean you can’t create another committed, loving, respectful one.

Thank you for making me put family first; it made me realize what’s really important in life and how hugely I am blessed with people who love me.

But most of all … thank you for creating a space around me in which I knew I was always loved by you. I could glance at you anytime, anywhere, and see in your eyes, your face, your smile, that you loved me no matter what I did or said. It felt so safe and freeing to be loved like that, just for who I am. I know you didn’t always like how I was acting, but I knew you always loved me. You were real – forgiving me when necessary, asking for forgiveness yourself when necessary – and I knew I could fall or make mistakes within this safe, loving environment. Even when we fought, I knew that. You always had my back and my best interests at heart. You were – and are – my biggest fan.

I know I didn’t thank you for all of these things growing up, and I know you didn’t expect me to (although you probably wished I would from time to time). You have always told me that I made you the happiest person in the world when I was born; that you feel honored to be my mom and share this journey with me.

Well, I feel lucky that you are my mom – despite your joke about me growing up at a time when my teenage hormones battled for space with your menopausal ones. The simple truth is, I love you.

Ginger is a 20-year veteran corporate writer in Atlanta, and most recently, the former national web editor at skirt!, www.skirt.com. She is a regular blogger for Huffington Post’s divorce vertical (www.huffingtonpost.com/divorce) and skirt.com, the mother of a 16-year-old son, and the author of the hilarious and helpful book, “Back On Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce.” She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist, and has been featured in More.com, Glamour.com, LovingYou.com and several other women-centric media. She has appeared dozens of local and national TV and radio shows, including as host of Book Talk with Ginger in Atlanta, Georgia. 

For more Ginger Emas columns, click here 

©2011 ShareWIK Media Group, LLC