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It was 7:30 in the morning and the house was silent.  It was as if someone had turned off the noise in my head.  The kids had moved away; the dog had died.  I had requested that my ex move all his possessions out of the house in 24 hours.  That was yesterday.

I went to bed exhausted and woke up to face my new reality.  I had no schedule, no plan and no expectations.  One of the closets in the master bedroom was now totally empty.  The cabinets and the sink top on one side of the bathroom were totally bare.  One side of the garage was empty.  There was no one to talk to; nothing to say.

When your world goes silent, because of a death or a divorce, it seems as if your life is over.  The loss of who you are in the relationship and the loss of a daily schedule can be devastating.  And while you are getting through this valley, you are hit with the daunting task of making sense of the legal and financial issues that are very much alive and require your attention. 

The load seems unbearable.  There is too much to do and the clock is running.  The best path, on some days, is just to go back to bed and keep your head under the covers.  But each day brings new dilemmas and new decisions to be made.  How, you wonder, can you make these decisions now that will determine your future, when you don’t have the faintest idea how that future will look?

I was not prone previously to depression, but I was suddenly experiencing new emotions.  I was crying every day.  I was sad and frightened.  I had no appetite and began to lose weight.  I couldn’t sleep and drank a glass of wine each night before bed.  Short-term, I found it difficult to cope with and adjust to this major life change.  This is when many people benefit from talking with a mental health professional.

It took almost two years, but I was determined to find new coping skills to help me adapt to this new situation.  Since my life had changed, I would need to change my lifestyle accordingly.  I woke up early in the morning and ran to the gym to avoid facing myself in those early hours.  I joined some friends on a group trip to escape my daily life.  I said yes to any and all social engagements, appreciating anyone who wanted my company.  I didn’t want my company.

When facing situational depression, it is often too difficult to get your arms around all that you are facing.  Here is how I took my life back:

I bought a calendar.  When there is no schedule and no plan, there is no forward movement.  I made myself fill each day with activities that would include social events, exercise and the business of divorce.  I planned my days and stuck to my plans. 

I wrote in a journal each day.  With my life in turmoil, I was experiencing emotional highs and lows while forgetting facts and figures.  Too much was happening at once.  I needed to write down thoughts and notes to myself.

I took some time to reflect and to think about what was happening to me.  Every morning I would revisit the day before while I planned the day ahead.  It was my time to think about the advice and feedback I was receiving and decide which of that was healthy and helpful.

I made the decision to be open to new opportunities and directions in my life.  The hard part was to make the decision.  The easy part was enjoying the new experiences.  If I was to build a new life, under my control, I first needed to accept that my life was presently out of control.

I said thank you a lot.  It is as if a piece of my heart started to beat only because of the kindness of others.  Their thoughtfulness touched me and awakened a new appreciation for those who cared about me.  I am now more aware of the people around me and I want to keep them by my side.

I can still remember feeling sad and scared.  I sometimes wonder if I have fully recovered.  I learned that progress comes one step at a time.  If you ask me how I am today, I am likely to respond that I am better this minute just because you asked how I am.  

Thank you for asking.

Susanne Katz is a divorce coach with Mt Vernon Counseling, coauthor of A Woman's Guide to Managing a Mid-Life Divorce, an arts and living columnist for Atlanta Jewish News.com.  She is also a regular on ShareWIK.com.

More Susanne Katz here. 

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