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Many smokers refer to cigarettes as their “Best Friend and Worst Enemy.”  When a relationship is this dysfunctional, breaking up is hard to do. 

While there are those lucky few who quit with a patch, a pill or pure will, others require a deeper exploration of their relationship with cigarettes before they can break the habit. I’ve helped many folks quit smoking during the course of therapy. This decision typically arises after there has been a profound shift in self-perception. With an uptick in the value they place on themselves comes the conviction:

“I am worth the time and energy it takes to quit smoking.”   

Jared, a 20-something man with a history of serious drug addiction, was turning his life around.  Clean and sober for a year, he’d been unemployed and living with his parents to solidify his recovery and keep his stress levels low.  His next step was to start classes at a local college.  As a symbol of his changing role from Addict to Student, he decided to quit smoking.  

In order to tackle this challenge, we talked in depth about each cigarette, from the first one he tapped out of the pack at 5 a.m. to the last one he inhaled before turning out the lights.  Once he understood the function of each one, he explored ways that a non-smoker would negotiate those life-moments.  Jared was surprised to discover that there was more to this than just getting the nicotine out of his system: through this process he’d be developing the precise life skills required to be physically healthy, socially connected and academically successful.

Jared often bolted awake at 5 a.m., unable to calm his racing thoughts and fall back to sleep.  The “Morning Cigarette” slowed down his mind and relaxed his body enough to ease him back to dreamland.

So I taught Jared a Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercise to help him get out of his head and into his body. Starting with his feet, he’d tense his foot muscles for a count of 5, then relax his feet and feel the blood rushing back in, creating a warm, heavy sensation. He repeated this pattern with each muscle group, slowly moving up his body. This simple exercise not only shifted his mental focus to his body but it relaxed the tense muscles which were keeping him awake.  

One down.  

One of Jared’s biggest fears about returning to school was hooking up with the druggie-crowd and relapsing.  Sure enough, as soon as he started school he began joining his fellow smokers for a between-class-cigarette. He realized that this was actually increasing the likelihood that he’d meet just the people he was trying to avoid!  “But how else am I going to kill 20 minutes between classes?” For years, the “Cigarette-Break Cigarette” had been his default way of both killing time AND meeting people.  We agreed that a 20-minute walk around campus was a better use of that time, during which he was encouraged to concentrate on how good it felt to breathe fresh air into his lungs.  Since his social life had revolved around drugs for a decade, we discussed other potential ways for him to meet non-smoking students.  

Two down.

The cigarette he smoked in the evening while doing homework served yet another purpose.  The “Study Cigarette” was meant to calm the anxiety he felt about using his brain in a new way.  Delving deeper, he discovered that he was afraid his drug use might have caused damage that had diminished his intellectual capacities. He secretly wondered if he was smart enough to keep up with college classes. This cigarette helped quell those fears.

It was also his way to treat himself since he found studying stressful.  A little discussion revealed that he was, in fact, understanding the material and actually enjoying his homework. Maybe he was smarter than he’d led himself to believe!  We discussed alternative ways that he could treat himself while he was studying, whether sipping on some tea with fresh lemon or snacking on healthy treats. 

Three down.

So you can see where this is going.  If you’re trying to quit, this Cigarette Breakdown is a great exercise.  Ask yourself “What function does each cigarette serve?”  You may be surprised to discover that each is different and therefore requires a different intervention.

Here are eight possible needs that cigarettes fulfill, along with suggestions about how you’ll make it through those moments like a non-smoker

1.  The Relaxation Cigarette

Ask yourself, “What is stressing me out?” It may be your own thoughts or perceptions. Attempt to view things from a different perspective. Try meditation, yoga, stretching, progressive muscle relaxation. 

2.    The Energy Booster Cigarette

Perhaps you need more sleep.  Exercise will also increase your energy

3.    The Way-to-Meet People Cigarette

Hanging out with smokers makes it doubly hard to quit.  Join a group of people who are doing something healthy or positive for the world

4.    The Treat Cigarette

A pedicure, a refreshing drink, gum, a hug or some kind words might all make you feel better. Picture black lungs and ask yourself if this is really a “treat."

5.    The Cigarette Break Cigarette

You can still take a cigarette break: just walk for those six minutes instead.  Focus on your breathing and how delicious the clean air feels in your lungs

6.    The Keep-My-Hands-Busy Cigarette

Knit, play with beads, un-bend paperclips, rub on some hand lotion.

7.    The Bonding-With-My-Partner Cigarette

Perhaps you can bond around quitting smoking.

8.    The Connection-to-My-Past Cigarette

If you grew up in a smoking household, as much as you hated it, this can be a difficult chain to break. A therapist can help you work through those feelings. 

If you are trying to quit, please add your ideas to this list.  Write in the comment section and share your insights with Your Fellow Future Non-Smokers!   

Dina Zeckhausen is a nationally-known clinical psychologist and author who specializes in treating eating disorders and body image in both adults and adolescents. She is a weekly columnist for ShareWiK.com. You can visit her on the web at dinazeckhausen.com and MyEdin.org. 

More Dina Zeckhausen articles, click here.  

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