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After my divorce, my mom wanted to know how I would manage my finances. Really, she wanted to know how I would manage my finances without a husband. She had always depended on my father to earn and manage the family dollars.  After my father died, my mom relied on my husband…her son-in-law… who was now my ex.  Even before the divorce was final, she felt angry and betrayed, and terminated his fiduciary duties.

Dealing with disappointment and fear, she was searching for a male that she could trust to g

I came home last week with a cloisonné vase and an alabaster tiger.  I was doing a little housekeeping while visiting my mom at the assisted living facility.  These two objects were gifts I had given to her in the past and now they would live at my house.  Why, I thought, was I saving these objects?  I was thinking about how to determine their monetary value.  Maybe their only real value was the memories I assigned to them.

If I have given these gifts in the past, then was it wrong that I took them back?  I didn’t want to see them get lost, or maybe I just didn’t want my memories to be lost.  What makes an object valuable is based on its price on the commercial market, but the memories, as they say, are priceless.

After six years together, Phang and I have learned a thing or two about communication.  It seems there are different kinds of communication and we have developed a rhythm to our discourse.  And that rhythm is the basis for a new dynamic that I call "familiarity."

He starts by saying "...I'm just saying.". That's his way of telling me he needs to talk, and he needs me to listen.  I am a little more direct.  I'll start by saying "… Honey, sit down … We need to talk."

Listening and hearing seem to be different skills altogether.  He can be delightfully attentive during a conversation and then reply with "...what are you talking about?" As the conversation continues, he'll begin looking fo

My first experience on snow skis was a disaster.  I started on the bunny slopes.  "When you want to stop," the instructor explained, "just make your skis touch at the top, so they form an arrow." It was this arrow that went into the crowd ahead of me, and I followed apologizing as I pushed people aside.  Not only could I not steer, but I also could not stop.

"Try the slope away from the crowd," the instructor said.  She saw that I was horrified with my first ski attempt.  "Then if you need more time to stop, you will have plenty of room for error."

I waited in line to get on the ski lift and proudly sat perched while it took me to the first stop.  I jumped off on cue when it paused, but I could not ski away.  The next chair was coming at me.  Down I went, just

I visit every day.  Some days my mother remembers my name.  Other days she just smiles when she sees my face.  Today she smiled and then went immediately back to sleep.  I am not sure when I began to grieve.  It might have been six months ago when she had the first emergency that ended in a week’s hospital stay.  If so, I have been grieving for six long months.

How does a person seem to be dying and then snap out of it?  How, I wonder, does a person know that it is not their time to die?  And why do some folks pass only after loved ones give them permission to die?  I am sure that we are not supposed to know those answers.  But I am convinced that there is a purpose or an order to

The news of an impending divorce is often met with disbelief.  Friends and family declare their surprise, their outrage..."They were the last couple I thought would ever get divorced.  They seemed so happy."

There are many grounds for divorce that are based on "fault" or "no fault".  No wonder then, that a common question friends ask is "whose fault was it?". 

Both high- and low-conflict divorces involve disputes or disagreements that can be resolved in mediation, a less costly and less adversarial process than a courtroom trial.

Divorcing couples with children are often faced with preparing a parenting plan and child support worksheet.  Determining alimony and equitable division of marital assets may also be involved.  

The goal of mediation with a qualified neutral is to draft an agreement that is acceptable to all parties and, after attorney review, may be included in the court order.

Here are some suggestions for being there for a friend

If the heart is the center of the body and the brain rules all of the body’s organs including the heart, then how do I know if I feel love in my heart or in my brain? Granted, there is a mind-body connection, but how do these two organs communicate? 

It all started with a heart-shaped valentine.  This symbol is what I will give Phang to help me express my love for him.  If my head knows how I feel then how, I wondered, did that feeling get to my heart…or vice versa?

“I knew I was in love way before you knew,” Phang revealed.  “I just felt in balance and it felt right.”  

I feel in balance when I have completed a great hour’s workout or when we finish our three-mile walk with our dog, Mazik.  My Second Life has felt more in balance as Phang and I have created a world for ourselves.  There is an intuitive feeling of well-being and a physical feeling of calm and satisfaction.  How can I express this with a heart-shaped symbol in a valentine?

I am not fat.  I am not horribly overweight.  But I could use to lose 10 pounds.  Again.  I lost it the first time when I went off to college.  Ten pounds seemed to just melt off.  I was emptying my student checking account at the local boutiques so I did not have enough money for food…but I looked good.

I lost that 10 pounds again during the divorce years.  I was too stressed out to eat.  Food sat in the refrigerator so long it turned bad. 

So here I was, getting adjusted to a new life, when I entered into this relationship.  That started the tug-of-war known as the proverbial battle-of-the-sexes.  It was time for both of us to develop new skills and laugh at ourselves as we stumbled around the kitchen.

The aha! moment came when we realized that our battles were waged in the name of love and honor.  Now he snorks and I leer, and we appreciate the different people that we are.  It is challenging to learn how to dance with your new partner.  And that is what Second Life is all about...doing the same things better while being better at being ourselves.