ShareWIK.com

Many smokers refer to cigarettes as their “Best Friend and Worst Enemy.”  When a relationship is this dysfunctional, breaking up is hard to do. 

While there are those lucky few who quit with a patch, a pill or pure will, others require a deeper exploration of their relationship with cigarettes before they can break the habit. I’ve helped many folks quit smoking during the course of therapy. This decision typically arises after there has been a profound shift in self-perception. With an uptick in the value they place on themselves comes the conviction:

“I am worth the time and energy it takes to quit smoking.”   

We love New Year’s Resolutions.  We’re enamored with the fantasy of instant transformation, hoping we’ll wake up January 1 as a person with the willpower to make changes that will stick. 

The problem is that Instant Changes That Stick are rare.  A rapid permanent behavior change usually results from a major life-altering crisis, also known as Hitting Rock Bottom.  A person who finds himself in jail facing a DUI, a lost job and a spouse filing for divorce may be able to make a forever change.  “Wow, I need to stop drinking.”  

I didn't even have to think about it.   This was the column that had more "LIKES" than anything else I've written. I poured my heart into this one.  It seemed to touch a truth that was very simple and basic, yet seemed very important to many readers.   This is our family's first Christmas without Mark.  I want to re-run this to acknowledge our love for him and the on-going pain of his loss

You may have read my recent column about the tragic death of my 44-year-old cousin.  This loss was such a profound shock to our family.

Each year from November 1 to January 1, the hot topic on many a therapist’s couch is the anxiety leading up to and the emotional fallout following, the family visit.  Here are the top 10 ideas that shrinks ‘round the nation will be sharing with their clientele this holiday season.

1.   Pick the optimal time period: Between visits home, it’s normal to idealize family time.  We tend to remember (or create a fantasy about) a warm, cozy feeling of togetherness…and forget (or repress) the discomfort of mom’s judgmental looks or sister’s competiveness.  When planning a visit, be honest with yourself about the optimal numbe

Karen, an attractive, fit and fashionable 48-year-old mother, has come to get help for her 17-year-old daughter Ashley’s weight problem.  

“I’m really worried about her health. She’s put on 30 pounds since middle school.  She’s a bright and beautiful girl, but her weight is making her miserable,” she told me.  “She’s never had a boyfriend and she’s avoiding her friends.  Every time she gets in the car, she’s buying junk food. I’ve tried dieting with her, signing her up for gym memberships and personal trainers. I’ve offered to buy her a new wardrobe if she lost weight.  Nothing motivates her! I’m afraid whatever I do is only making things worse.”

I recently put together a therapy group for adult women struggling with bulimia. Most of these women have impressive corporate jobs and the majority of them are truly miserable in these careers.  I have witnessed this phenomenon for many years and while there are exceptions to what I am about to say, there is clearly a pattern worth noting.

Women with eating disorders (WwED) tend to get "eaten alive" in the corporate culture. I believe this is for a number of reasons (again, forgive me for over-generalizing!).

·   WwED tend to have a strong (some might say rigid) sense of right and wrong.  Lots of not-so-savory stuff goes down behind the scenes in Corporate World.  The politics, the focus on the bottom line at the expense of morality, the hierarchy of the system just feel wrong at a gut level to these women.

·   WwED tend to be highly sensitive to unspoken emotional realities.  This sixth sense, the ability to read between the lines, can be ver

Dear Cooper,

As a mom, I pride myself on being a Selective Worrier, using statistics and probabilities to guide me on where to focus my anxieties.  This technique has managed to keep me somewhat “centered” since you were born 15 years ago.

But when it comes to alcohol the statistics are so frightening and the stakes so high, it’s a challenge to Remain Calm.  I’ve imagined Alcohol as a demon lurking in a dark alley, ready to pounce on my innocent and unsuspecting kid. 

So you’re driving along in your life and the Check Engine light comes on.  You ignore it, maybe even put some tape over it.  You hear a clunking sound; you turn up the radio.  All of a sudden, the engine seizes up.  You can’t move forward.  It’s lonely and foggy out here. You look around and the reality hits you: “I am Depressed.”

A recent article in the Los Angeles Times focused on how society can make positive changes by working through our social circles:

The old folk concept that our personal health behaviors rub off on those around us has received a staggering amount of scientific support of late. Over the last few years, study after study has shown that weight gain, drug and alcohol use, even loneliness and depression aren't islands unto themselves but are powerfully contagious — capable of spreading within our social networks just as germs scatter after a sneeze.

Sexual abuse shatters and disrupts the core of a person’s sense of safety, self and worth.  The damage inflicted can influence every aspect of a person’s existence. Because sexual abuse attacks the body and soul of the victim, it can cause shame, depression, disconnection from one’s own body, distrust in others, tumultuous relationships, addiction and eating disorders.   

At the same time, human beings are amazingly resilient.  Children who are abused by the same person in the same ways may grow up and turn out very differently.  An abuse survivor may into a drug addict or she may turn into Oprah Winfrey. 

Many variables determine the course of one’s life after sexual abuse.  How a victim copes may depend upon the relationship to the abuser, the frequency of the abuse, the nature of the abuse (from inappropriate touching to penet