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Eating problems among children are epidemic, with obesity rates in some states as high as 33%.  Some schools are sending Body Mass Index (BMI) “report cards” home to parents in an attempt to address this problem.  While many parents are, in fact, aware of their children’s weight status, education about nutrition and exercise are not always sufficient to address these complex issues.

The fact is that many children (like adults) use food to comfort difficult feelings.  Parents may put their kids on diets (or a child may start her own) but these efforts are rarely effective and may actually backfire.  Depending upon a child’s personality, putting a kid on a diet may produce obesity in the rebellious child (“I’ll just binge when Mom’s not looking”) or anorexia in the compliant child (“I’ll make Mommy proud and eat PERFECT from now on!”).

Interestingly, children with anorexia and over-eaters share two common traits:

     When people think of eating disorders, they picture the starving 15-year-old girl or the college student throwing up after a cookie binge.  I’d like you to expand your definition.  The 40-year-old woman about to undergo gastric bypass and the successful businessman who is 80 pounds overweight are both wrestling with eating disorders that are no less harmful and debilitating than anorexia and bulimia.      

     Unfortunately, these particular eating disorder sufferers are more likely to encounter a physician than a therapist.  The sad truth is that most physicians are woefully under-trained in nutrition or the psychology of over-eating.  Many doctors write prescriptions for obesity-related ailments but have neither time nor expertise to address underlying causes.  Many feel helpless and frustrated with overweight patients, viewing them as

This is a hard one to write.  I could say I was too busy or have nothing new to offer on this subject.  But truthfully, my hesitation about facing this column is that words feel inadequate, hollow, empty.

All I want to do is tell you about my cousin Mark, present you with a slide show of his big life, create a documentary, share a thousand stories. But I only have 1,000 words and this is about what it’s like to lose someone we love.  

How do we bear the pain?  How does it change us? How can we thrive and not just survive?  

"To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak."

~ Hopi Indian Saying ~

Most of today’s afflictions and addictions are a direct result of our desire to not know what we know.  There are times when we cannot bear the anxiety, anger and grief that accompany harsh reality. Humans are constantly devising new methods for numbing our awareness: from cigarettes to heroin, from shopping to cell phones.  We find ways to leave our bodies because powerful emotions make us uncomfortable.  Knowing the truth can have frightening implications. 

A man involved in an intensely destructive marriage keeps himself numb with alcohol so he can better tolerate the craziness: “I’m afraid if I divorce her, she’ll kill herself.”  

Flight attendants have it right – and the advice is just as useful for those on a plane as well as off. “Remember to place the oxygen mask over your nose and mouth before assisting your child.” In other words, fail to take care of yourself and you won’t have what it takes for your kid. 

This is especially true for mothers with eating disorders. Anorexia is the most blatant form of self-neglect. Its theme is the refusal to meet the body’s most basic needs (for food) but it often entails the denial of other important needs (i.e. love, pleasure, intimate connection).  

While the stereotype is that eating disorders are a curr

Many smokers refer to cigarettes as their “Best Friend and Worst Enemy.”  When a relationship is this dysfunctional, breaking up is hard to do. 

While there are those lucky few who quit with a patch, a pill or pure will, others require a deeper exploration of their relationship with cigarettes before they can break the habit. I’ve helped many folks quit smoking during the course of therapy. This decision typically arises after there has been a profound shift in self-perception. With an uptick in the value they place on themselves comes the conviction:

“I am worth the time and energy it takes to quit smoking.”   

We love New Year’s Resolutions.  We’re enamored with the fantasy of instant transformation, hoping we’ll wake up January 1 as a person with the willpower to make changes that will stick. 

The problem is that Instant Changes That Stick are rare.  A rapid permanent behavior change usually results from a major life-altering crisis, also known as Hitting Rock Bottom.  A person who finds himself in jail facing a DUI, a lost job and a spouse filing for divorce may be able to make a forever change.  “Wow, I need to stop drinking.”  

I didn't even have to think about it.   This was the column that had more "LIKES" than anything else I've written. I poured my heart into this one.  It seemed to touch a truth that was very simple and basic, yet seemed very important to many readers.   This is our family's first Christmas without Mark.  I want to re-run this to acknowledge our love for him and the on-going pain of his loss

You may have read my recent column about the tragic death of my 44-year-old cousin.  This loss was such a profound shock to our family.