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Each year from November 1 to January 1, the hot topic on many a therapist’s couch is the anxiety leading up to and the emotional fallout following, the family visit.  Here are the top 10 ideas that shrinks ‘round the nation will be sharing with their clientele this holiday season.

1.   Pick the optimal time period: Between visits home, it’s normal to idealize family time.  We tend to remember (or create a fantasy about) a warm, cozy feeling of togetherness…and forget (or repress) the discomfort of mom’s judgmental looks or sister’s competiveness.  When planning a visit, be honest with yourself about the optimal numbe

Karen, an attractive, fit and fashionable 48-year-old mother, has come to get help for her 17-year-old daughter Ashley’s weight problem.  

“I’m really worried about her health. She’s put on 30 pounds since middle school.  She’s a bright and beautiful girl, but her weight is making her miserable,” she told me.  “She’s never had a boyfriend and she’s avoiding her friends.  Every time she gets in the car, she’s buying junk food. I’ve tried dieting with her, signing her up for gym memberships and personal trainers. I’ve offered to buy her a new wardrobe if she lost weight.  Nothing motivates her! I’m afraid whatever I do is only making things worse.”

I recently put together a therapy group for adult women struggling with bulimia. Most of these women have impressive corporate jobs and the majority of them are truly miserable in these careers.  I have witnessed this phenomenon for many years and while there are exceptions to what I am about to say, there is clearly a pattern worth noting.

Women with eating disorders (WwED) tend to get "eaten alive" in the corporate culture. I believe this is for a number of reasons (again, forgive me for over-generalizing!).

·   WwED tend to have a strong (some might say rigid) sense of right and wrong.  Lots of not-so-savory stuff goes down behind the scenes in Corporate World.  The politics, the focus on the bottom line at the expense of morality, the hierarchy of the system just feel wrong at a gut level to these women.

·   WwED tend to be highly sensitive to unspoken emotional realities.  This sixth sense, the ability to read between the lines, can be ver

Dear Cooper,

As a mom, I pride myself on being a Selective Worrier, using statistics and probabilities to guide me on where to focus my anxieties.  This technique has managed to keep me somewhat “centered” since you were born 15 years ago.

But when it comes to alcohol the statistics are so frightening and the stakes so high, it’s a challenge to Remain Calm.  I’ve imagined Alcohol as a demon lurking in a dark alley, ready to pounce on my innocent and unsuspecting kid. 

So you’re driving along in your life and the Check Engine light comes on.  You ignore it, maybe even put some tape over it.  You hear a clunking sound; you turn up the radio.  All of a sudden, the engine seizes up.  You can’t move forward.  It’s lonely and foggy out here. You look around and the reality hits you: “I am Depressed.”

A recent article in the Los Angeles Times focused on how society can make positive changes by working through our social circles:

The old folk concept that our personal health behaviors rub off on those around us has received a staggering amount of scientific support of late. Over the last few years, study after study has shown that weight gain, drug and alcohol use, even loneliness and depression aren't islands unto themselves but are powerfully contagious — capable of spreading within our social networks just as germs scatter after a sneeze.

Sexual abuse shatters and disrupts the core of a person’s sense of safety, self and worth.  The damage inflicted can influence every aspect of a person’s existence. Because sexual abuse attacks the body and soul of the victim, it can cause shame, depression, disconnection from one’s own body, distrust in others, tumultuous relationships, addiction and eating disorders.   

At the same time, human beings are amazingly resilient.  Children who are abused by the same person in the same ways may grow up and turn out very differently.  An abuse survivor may into a drug addict or she may turn into Oprah Winfrey. 

Many variables determine the course of one’s life after sexual abuse.  How a victim copes may depend upon the relationship to the abuser, the frequency of the abuse, the nature of the abuse (from inappropriate touching to penet

Bariatric surgery has catapulted us into a Brave New World.  These days many eating disorder therapists are seeing a new type of client: the pre- or post-bariatric surgery patient. While we may not be schooled in the gastrointestinal and hormonal intricacies of obesity surgery, we are knowledgeable about the complex interplay of emotions, relationships, trauma and food.  Unfortunately, bariatric surgeons may have only had one class (that’s class, not course) on eating disorders in medical school.  

Many in the eating disorder community are adamantly opposed to this surgery.  They view with suspicion physicians who are quick to promote the procedure as the Holy Grail of weight loss rather than viewing it as a last resort.  And while insurance companies may insist on six months of pre-operative nutritional counseling, they do not insist on (and often balk at paying for) pre-operative psychotherapy.   

When my first hot flash snuck up on me at 47, it was a warm, tingly wake-up call.  “OK,” it said, “you are getting older.  Time to put the pedal to the metal.”   A half-hearted athlete, new fears of osteoporosis, cancer and other afflictions of age propelled me to take exercise more seriously.  I decided to commit to one triathlon annually for the rest of my life. This way I’d be guaranteed that at least one day a year I’d be in great shape.    

I’d participated in the Peachtree City Sprint Tri a few years prior, and this year I recruited my 14-year-old son Cooper.  We jogged and biked together a few times, but I worried that I was woefully under-trained.    The night before the Saturday triathlon I had two specific concerns: insomnia and over-sleeping.  The event was an hour-long drive away, registratio

Glamour Magazine recently published a column: “Jess Weiner’s Weight Struggle: ‘Loving My Body Almost Killed Me.’” Jessica Weiner is DOVE’s Self-Esteem Ambassador, and an impressive speaker, author and “actionist” on issues of self-acceptance. As a large woman who recovered from anorexia and promotes self-love, Jess has been a role model for the size acceptance movement, as well as a lightening rod.  

Two years ago, a woman in Jess’s audience asked how Jess could love her body since she was “obese!” Jess replied, “My body is none of your business!”  But the confrontation apparently broke through Jessica’s denial about her health and resulted in huge changes in the way she was living. Today