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“America has traditionally frowned on touching, an inverse twist on the overt sexuality of our culture. Reading about America's "skin hunger", I [wonder if] the sexes are in some kind of topsy-turvy tumble where men are doing more touching and women just want to be left alone? Do men end up with erotic online material sometimes because women just can't be bothered anymore?” L. Anne Enke

It’s the ivillage.com sex survey that has everyone clicking their tongues, trying to decipher the underlying secrets of our private lives. Who is the most satisfied with their sex lives, has it more often, and is most likely to get their kink on? Do kids make or break your fun in the bedroom, and how many fantasize about another lover while wrapped in the arms of their spouse?

The ivillage.com poll of 2000 married couples, split 60/40 when it comes to children, tells a conflicting story. For example, women with children say they ‘married the best sex of their lives,’ but women ages 40-49 (in the thick of child-rearing or cougarville, depending on perspective and life choices) are also the least satisfied with their sex lives. Most of us are having ‘predict...... [ Read the rest of this story ]

I don’t have a chronic illness, but my inner advocate of sexual wellbeing knows that as we age and disease sets in, physical intimacy isn’t so easy to come by. That’s why I was pleasantly surprised by the recent study of 2,000 middle-aged adults with diabetes that showed many are still sexually active. (Image credit:Le couple, by Le Xav')

 

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Months ago, I reached out to a friend to share some insights on deepening intimacy, and she replied, “There’s a four letter word ending in K that’s vital to keeping love alive in a relationship.” 

 

In college, professors taught us about basic 4 F’s - feeding, fleeing, flying and fornication – so my inner adolescent boy was immediately intrigued. But Diana was teasing. What she really meant was T-A-L-K.

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“In America the men say to each other: how far did you get. In France, the men say: how long did she scream…Go figure.”  --Wendy Strgar, Founder of Good Clean Love

There is something to be said about yearning and desire, and the experience of holding back despite the urge to hurry things along. When I was growing up, this forbidden, delicious angst had all sorts of names: ‘making out’

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If a man (of the cloth) can write, "Women are sadder because deep down men are shallower"  about his gender, what truth, if any, is there in those words? And do I, as a woman, have any business repeating his observations?

Apparently not, according to one male reader of that column, who ranted on about how sexist and childish the title was. Never mind that the content of the blog was about those expressed convictions on gender issues and the need for healing. 

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When I read a recent blog by Nicole Daedone, founder of OneTaste.com, I had two immediate questions: Are that many women really putting on moan shows when they are having sex, and if so, why?

Here’s what Nicole had to say about faking orgasmic pleasure, which basically, “amounts to lying to your partner. It prioritizes thinking (I should be doing this, I wonder how he’s feeling, etc.) over feeling.” She then goes on to explain the top five reason women do it, including:

 ·     She thinks it’s what she’s supposed to do, so she does it.

·      She thinks it will increase sensation in her body if she moans.

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I got my breasts the old-fashioned way. I grew them. That they are natural is obvious by their shape and their sag, which in a woman in my age and size bracket, is to be expected. I’m not bragging. Heidi Montag found out what natural breast women have been saying all along. Big boobs hurt. The bras we must wear pinch delicate skin. Our shoulders hunch from holding up our twin globes, which when not encased by support, tend to resemble globs.

Hollywood beauties continue to put their enhanced ‘breast’ features forward at various times and poses, and we stop, stare and pause, mesmerized and horrified, as the boobie wars continue. Are they for pleasure? For purpose? Does admiring them reduce us to T&A? How one answers that depends on so many things…

From the point of view of some feminists, breasts on display convey the message that a woman’s worth is determined by the size of her silicon valley. Along with breast-feeding advocates, they loathe the sexualization of a part of our bodies that most women admit feel pretty damn good in the hands and mouth of the right lover.

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Years ago, when my son was just learning about numbers, he asked me how much I loved him. I responded with a smile, ‘To infinity and beyond,’ to which he matter of factually said, “Mommy, I love you, seven.” It’s a conversation I hearken to when I'm contemplating what it means to love.

 

If I have to describe my ideal Hierarchy of Love it would be as follows: I love myself first, followed by my love and commitment to my husband. After that comes my dedication to my children, whom I would protect with my life if need be.

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From a procreative point of view, there’s absolutely no reason why women should orgasm; At least, that is the conclusion of the author of a book making mental and genital waves. The Case for the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution by Elizabeth Lloyd evaluated years of research on female orgasm, and determined that women have orgasms for the same reason men have nipples, as an evolutionary bi-product of shared fetal tissue. 

It’s certainly an intriguing hypothesis subject to critique and even outrage. “Human orgasm evolved because men need it to reproduce, and women got it as a developmental byproduct. How women use that gift is ours to determine,” wrote one reviewer of the book. Not having read it myself, I can only concur with the latter, and report what others have said: Lloyd’s science is sound, and her voice a feminist one.
 
That's critical piece in this from a Sex Whisperer perspective. Too often, when we consider female sexuality, we do so from the view of a male paradigm.
 
For example, years ago, as a graduate student in a rat lab, we used male controls for a study on females. When I br...... [ Read the rest of this story ]

"Imagine another way to experience sexuality, one that merges body, mind and spirit when we make love.  At its most sublime, sex is an expression of physical and spiritual connection.  In our lover’s embrace and in our mutual satisfaction, we are momentarily transcendent. That is because sensuality resonates in the essence of who we are – and not in the act of intercourse. In truth, sex is as sacred as we make it.”  ...... [ Read the rest of this story ]