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With the school year starting again, maybe your child is experiencing more than dread?  Perhaps your child is suffering from school anxiety?

School anxiety can be present in any child, no matter the age.  Children worry about so many issues surrounding the school day experience.  Middle schoolers worry about whether or not they’ll fit in because being part of the group is so important to that age.  Naturally, they want to be included in the fun whether it is joking around in-between classes, at the lunch table, or after school.  It is absolutely common for pre-teens and teens to feel that nobody likes them and that they have no friends. 
         

Unfortunately, I lost one of my 7th grade students this year to that very issue.  Michelle was preregistered to begin school in my class this fall.  But by the end of the summer, rumors from her classmates began circulating that she was going to be homeschooled.  After reaching Michelle’s mom on the phone, I learned Michelle felt like a ‘third wheel’ with her classmates and did not feel she had a strong connection to any of her classmates.  I was shocked to hear that because I had always viewed her as a girl who fit right in and appeared happy with her peers.
         

Part of fitting in also means having the right “look” – clothes, shoes, hair, even school supplies.  Think back to the time when you were in school and how much angst you had over which notebook to select – the solid primary color which made no statement whatsoever, or the more bold choice of a favorite teen idol or comic character.  The wrong choice could mean certain social death! 
         

The popular statement in my school right now is brightly (obnoxiously) colored famous-brand athletic shoes.  Kids drive 20 miles to the outlet store to purchase the “coolest” pair they can find.  Gone are the days of solid white “tennies”, or “sneaks” depending on where you live.  Shoes must be loud, colorful, and look tough.
         

Middle schoolers also worry about how they are going to hold up academically in the classroom.  Students at this level must learn to work more independently of the teacher and their parents.  Some work is done solo while other work is done in a group setting.  The struggle to figure out an answer all on one’s own or having to muddle through group dynamics to complete a project can cause anxiety. 
         

Last year, sixth-grade Brian was working in a reading group that needed to complete a series of tasks to complement the story.  As long as he was able to work with just boys, things went along fine.  A girl was added to their group and Brian became very agitated which caused the productivity of the group to hit a standstill.  I spent a couple of class periods trying to get Brian to be more cooperative and respectful, but ultimately removed him from the group and had him work solo.  I don’t know what set him off about the new member but he was unable to overcome his anxiety surrounding that person.
         

So what can parents and teachers do to help students suffering from school anxiety? 

Here’s some tips:

1. Don’t overreact.  The more fuss you make, the bigger the problem gets. 
   
2. Be sure to tune into your child’s fears by finding a quiet time to listen and acknowledging their concerns. 
   
3. Encourage them to problem-solve ways in which to improve a situation but don’t tell them how to fix it.  Kids at this age either wait for mom and dad to rescue them or get really irritated with too much advice.  Look for the middle-of-the-road when peddling your wisdom.
   
4. Don’t be afraid to ask your child’s teacher if what your child is reporting is accurate.  Often times, their impression of the situation is not quite accurate and the teacher can ensure he/she is NOT eating alone, etc.  Talking to the teacher can also initiate his or her keeping an eye on the situation to make sure your child is not left out or sitting alone. 
   
5. If your child is not sleeping, sleeping too much, is acting irritable or you’ve noticed a dramatic personality change, it may be time to first, talk to your child’s teacher and then, your child’s doctor. 
   

Middle school is a tough time, both for parents and students.  Keeping the communication lines open, allowing your child to have fear, and being available for a shoulder to cry on or a laugh and a smile can help your child get through their school anxiety.

Margaret Andersen is the mother of three teenagers and is a middle school teacher somewhere in the Midwest.  She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist. For more Margaret Anderson articles, click here. 

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