Forum Index > Addictions > Teens and Pornography
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Summer 24 months ago
ActivityRank: 112
I do not have teenagers anymore at home however I have a strong opinion about
this. Adolescents have enough to deal with without adding at your fingertips
sexuality to the listing of "probably pending problems." Adolscents are a
target for exploitation sexually, emotionally, psychologically, financially,
not to mention vocationally!! There was a time when young boys looked at the
"bunny" magazine and curiousity was the driving force. However with porn on
demand, I forsee this as a precursor to decisions made by young people that are
not well thought out and may come to be a problem in their future. I also see
what young people do to "earn money" by allowing themselves to be used. I do
not see anything positive coming out of teenagers viewing porn. Yes it happens
everyday, just as increase in drug usage, human trafficing, increased
psychiatric and personality disorders, (conduct disorders). So my belief is as
well as what the research shows is adolescents and porn are not a good
combination.
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jdsincleve 24 months ago
ActivityRank: 12
I think it is safe to say that most adolescents explore the other gender
through any means. I did it with OK, withhold your laughter here, but with
National Geographic or any Playboy I could lay my hands on. However the porn
that is available to anyone is a little out of control. There are ways to
prevent kids from getting it on the net but the reality of it is, if they want
to find it, they will. However if you prevent them from to much life, they will
rebell at the first opportunity they can. I have witnessed "good" kids just go
crazy the first chance they get. So the question is; Do you prohibit
everything? Take a look at prohibition, a number of religious idiots brought
that on and look what it brought us. Unseen violence like this country hadn't
witnessed in modern times, gangs. The mafia. And they were here to stay. Once
again, ban something and people will want more of it.
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Summer 24 months ago
ActivityRank: 112
jd, I hear what you are saying--if a teen wants it bad enough of course they
will do so. That is the nature of teens, boundary busting, go for what mom and
dad said no about. I am thinking about a much larger picture, in general, are
teenagers ready for the introduction of porn, not sexuality that is normal to
seeks out information about, my thinking goes way beyond that. I've seen it,
Ive seen what has done to teens, kids, families, etc. I do not believe porn
will ever be banned because "sex sells." The demand is high; look at how women
are portrayed in porn. Now look at yourself having your teens get addicted to
this. I say addicitted because that is usually (per the reseach) way things go.
Its ugly, but its a fact that what are kids are exposed to on a daily basis,
can be incorporated into the lives often as a "secret part" or "the dark side"
and be valued by them. That is where my belief is that the two are not a
combination.
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jdsincleve 24 months ago
ActivityRank: 12
Hi Summer, I think I skidded off course a little bit without giving a better
answer. I do believe porn is out of control. See my third sentence. I am not
sure what the answer is however. When I mentioned preventing kids from too much
would cause a backlash I was not suggesting you let them have access to it. I
do not have any idea what the answer is. I am truly glad my kids grew up before
porn grew to be what it is now. I mean I have seen porn stars on talk shows. I
think the only true answer is to keep your kids close, keep a very open line of
communication and do the best you can to prevent them from having access to it.
The other side of that is getting to know their friends as well as you can and
if they need to be addressed certainly do it. I have a friend of mine who
talked to her (yr old, (YR OLD. Are you kidding me. But mom talked to her
saying you are probably starting to hear kids talk about sex. Her daughter
admitted to hearing kids talk about it. So what does one do. The best you can.
Tired, sorry to end it that way but we could talk for hours, which means typing
for that much longer.
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nat 24 months ago
ActivityRank: 4
My husband is addicted to pornography and I can't tell you the havoc it has
brought onto our marriage and my children. For years, I knew something was not
right but couldn't quite put my finger on it. I caught him viewing it around
the holidays and he finally came clean. He said he's been doing it for years
and can't stop. He doesn't want me to tell anyone and he doesn't want to go to
counseling. We live in a very small town and he's afraid word will get out and
he'll lose his job. I feel so lost. Has anyone else gone through this? What do
I do now?
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Traylor Lovvorn 24 months ago
ActivityRank: 26
Nat- I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My wife and I have been
through what you describe. I was exposed to pornography when I was 8 years old
and struggled with it in secret until 7 one-night stands were exposed when I
was 30 years old. Ultimately, my wife and I were divorced due to my sexual
addiction. After six years of divorce, however, God miraculously restored our
relationship and we were remarried in October of 2008. Shame is what drives the
addiction, which is why he doesn't want to tell anyone or go to counseling. The
only chance he has of dealing effectively with the addiction is to bring the
sin into the light. Isolation and secrecy feeds the shame which continues to
drive the addictive cycle. Whether or not he is willing to go to counseling or
not, I encourage you to find a good counselor...maybe someone who specializes
in sexual addiction. To help him keep his secret might seem like it is
protecting him, but in reality it is only enabling him to stay imprisoned. My
wife Melody and I tell our story here and would be glad to talk to you sometime. We were also
interviewed by Covenant Eyes and they released our story as 4 separate
podcasts. You can hear the podcasts here. Let us know if you would like to
talk to us. Traylor
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Jon Trainer 23 months ago
ActivityRank: 6
Sorry to be late to the conversation. First for Nat, You have to expose the
problem. I would highly recommend a book entitled "Bold Love" by Tremper
Longman and Dan Allender. They deal with the process of confrontation when
dealing with thee categories of people: ordinary sinners, fools, and scorners.
They give very practical advice for spouses caught in bad situations. You must
be willing to give your husband the gift of failure; ultimately, it is the only
way for change to occur. Conflict avoidance will not help you or your kids, or
the husband you love. Hopefully, as Traylor suggests, you can find a good
counselor to walk alongside. In general, pornography is a soul-killer; it is
dangerous, especially today's pervasive, hard variety. We have a 14 yr old son
and prevention is our first line of defense. Open comms, no media in the
bedrooms, and one computer in the family room with fairly tight monitoring are
all part of the virtual Maginot Line. At some point I will give him "Every
Young Man's Battle" by Stoeker and Arturburn (some complain it is a bit too
frank), as well as "Not Even a Hint" and "Sex is Not the Problem (lust is)" by
Josh Harris. Even with all this accountability there are challenges. I was
searching through the apps on my iPhone last night and came across a sexual
positions app; my son would have access to this via his iTouch. I noticed just
today that Apple had removed some sexually explicit material from the app
store...good for them. The images I am bombarded with everyday in the media at
large seem far more explicit than any of the stuff available to me as a young
person growing up. I am reminded of Solomon's words, "Can a man take fire into
his chest and not be burned?" Probably not. Desire is natural; it is God-given
and meant to be fulfilled completely in the husband-wife relationship. The
problem with pornography is that it takes a regular Chevy four door sedan sex
drive and turns it into a Nascar 358 cubic inches 750 horsepower sex drive. It
will consume a man.
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