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Have you been through a divorce? Do you know someone who has? What is the best advice someone gave you? What is the best piece of advice you've given someone else who was going through a divorce?

At the beginning of my divorce, I was having trouble getting out of bed I was so depressed and overwhelmed. I worried about how I was going to pay my bills, take care of my children and find a job to support me and the kids. One of my closest friends told me to make a list each day with only 3 things on it. If one of those things was get out of bed, then that was ok. What that did was give me little goals to work towards as I worked towards bigger ones like buying a house. That was the best piece of advice I got.

Our church family has walked beside a number of couples struggling through this difficult process, as sadly, it appears to happen as much inside the church as outside. Wherever two or three are gathered together...you have the potential for conflict. I would like to suggest that being part of a faith community is a vital help in the divorce process, especially if that community provides small group ministry. You have the gift of companionship and prayer and, if it is a responsible church body, some degree of accountability. Since going through a divorce is such an emotional roller coaster, and since that roller coaster seems like it is isolated on a desert island, we need to intentionally put other people in our lives--people that want to be there. Paul Tripp, in his book entitled Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands suggests that accountability provides: 1) structure, 2) guidance, 3) assistance, 4) encouragement, and 5) warning. We need all of these elements provided by someone who cares 24/7 even when we are healthy, but it is absolutely critical during a divorce process. Of course, the ideal is for these elements to be in place long before the walls come tumbling down.

Here's my advice...after going through a mid-life divorce: -Knowing who you are is powerful. When everything starts swirling around you, it can be the only thing you are sure of, and some days you may not be sure of even that. -Having goals will help you decide how you will come out on the other side of your divorce. When it's time to talk to your professionals, only you can determine what you need and want out of the process. -Keeping your focus on today's tasks will stop you from feeling overwhelmed. You have items to attend to on your plate today. And tomorrow you will have a new plate. Only deal with what's on the plate that day. -Giving yourself permission to be out of control will stop you from constantly saying "I'm sorry." It feels great when the noise finally stops! Look for more tips in my book, A Woman's Guide to Managing a Mid-Life Divorce, or go to www.katzandwinston.com.